Dates Advantage

Men tend to be visual beings, so attraction for them can often come off as being shallow. They see someone and are either attracted to their beauty or not. Not to say that there aren't some women like this, but for many women attraction is something that builds over time. It grows like a flower. The more you feed it, the more it grows. If you continue to feed the flower, the attraction builds. Once you stop feeding the flower, it slowly begins to die. Once the flower starts the death process it's an uphill battle all the way attempting to keep it alive. The flower will seek sustenance elsewhere in order to survive.

The best way to get this idea is to think of Value. I'm not talking about innate value as a human being, but value in the sense of how attractive and desirable you think you are at any given moment. In this context, a woman determines value by how desirable she thinks men find her. When a woman feels that your value is greater than hers, she will be attracted to you. You will definitely know when you have arrived at this point and there are ways to even track your progress.

Let's talk a little about what we call Demonstration of Higher Value (DHV). This is the process by which you create attraction and raise your value. Men are pretty much by the cover. In other words, we aren't as complex as women. We either are or are not attracted to someone and, more often than not, it's based on looks.

A woman's value

Because, in this concept, women's value is based on how desirable they are to the opposite sex, and because men are shallow and place high value on looks, a woman would place value in the perception of how she looks. This can be significantly affected by self-esteem, past experiences, and even comparison with other women around. It's really all about perception. There are some extremely drop dead gorgeous women out there who don't feel attractive, and are on a constant quest to make themselves even more attractive. Many people's perceptions about their self-image was formed at a very early age.

Some extremely beautiful women have an amazing psychological challenge to keep their head on straight. From an early age, they learn that many of the usual rules just don't apply to them. Men will give them access to high-status social events, money, and excitement that most women their age never get. This can raise a woman's self-esteem if she takes these things seriously, or lower it if she doesn't feel she deserves them.

Beautiful women can find themselves irrationally hated by other women, and other people often treat them as if they are one-dimensional sex objects. Unless they have strong personalities or strong family and peer networks, many extremely attractive women end up a little bit loopy.

The way women see themselves, unfortunately, can change dramatically from outside circumstances. For instance, if a woman is around a bunch of super-model type women, she may tend to feel less secure about herself. If she is around women who are not attractive, she may feel a bit better about her appearance. Then there are experiences that can change someone's self-confidence, such as suddenly seeing your ex with a gorgeous, super-model type. All of these external factors can weigh heavily on how a woman values herself. It is sad, but often true.

A man's value

Environment can have a lot to do with how a woman values you. For instance, if you are in a bar, she may lump you in the same value level as other men in a bar. Your value will stay at this level until you work to change that opinion. If you are sitting in a VIP section of the bar, away from the other ‘bar guys' your value level might be slightly higher. She will at least probably be a bit more curious. Like it or not, that's the way this thing works. We place value not just on people and appearances, but circumstances and environment. If you meet a woman in a neutral spot she may assume you have roughly the same value level as others in that spot, which is usually low. It's all about transforming opinion through action.

Regardless of the environment in which you meet a woman and your social status there are things that you can do right away to raise your value and give a better impression than just being, for instance, another guy in a bar. Even if you meet in the most ideal place, you still have to do some work to maintain and even raise your value.

Communication is key

One of the most important aspects of raising your own value and also setting the foundation for a positive relationship is getting to know the person. This requires great communication. Be sure to take the time to listen and really understand what makes your lady tick. You will ultimately have a better understanding of what excites her and you'll be better positioned to please her.

Take it slow

A lot of men may rush too quickly into the physical realm. No woman wants to feel as though the only reason a man is with her is because of her physical beauty. So don't rush too quickly. It will only have the opposite effect. Women need for men to take their time, get to know them, make them feel special, and, by all means, work on all of the things the man can do to raise their own value level.

Romance is the key here. Please, stay with me. In order to truly seduce your special lady you have to include some romance. Whether that means flowers, chocolates, or just spending time cuddled up watching a movie, these things are critical in setting the stage for romance and ultimately a very satisfying partnership by both parties. She'll feel like you really care about her and that you care how she feels and want to make her happy.

There is nothing more annoying than having someone judge you according to your clothes, your jewelry, your car, or even the neighborhood you live in. Are you superficial like that? Take a good, honest hard look at yourself and determine if that is what you do - even a little. By putting this idea into practice, not only are you being superficial, but you are simply cutting out an entire list of potential people who might be great for you.

Let's face it, self-confidence is sexy. Knowing what you want is sexier. And a guy who is confident about himself has a greater chance of success.

Another key ingredient is sensitivity. Women don't want a hard machismo guy all the time. Sometimes they need that soft, tender side to make them feel cared for and really special.

There's nothing wrong with taking the time to set the scene for romance. When you are keenly aware of what turns your woman on, you should do the things needed to set the stage. She'll appreciate the time you took and the effort you put into making her happy. Opening up the bedroom door to mood lighting, a rose petal filled bed, and seductive music, means you put some real thought into making your woman happy. You are not a grab and go kind of guy.

Unless you have been sleeping up until now, you should be getting the message that seduction and romance really start in the mind, not in the body. As some say, sex is roughly ninety percent mental. Don't get me wrong, the body is extremely important; however, it wears down whereas the mind keeps on ticking.

Confidence is vital

Some women who are known for going after wealthy, powerful men may be pegged as gold diggers. They say that these women are only out for money and want to see just how much gold they can dig out of each man. I actually think it's much more. I think it's the confidence and self-satisfaction that these men tend to have. It's rare to see a wimpy, shy, insecure guy sitting at the head of a board table. No. These types of powerful men tend to have not only a wealth of money, but a wealth of self-confidence and satisfaction in their achievements. And, remember, confidence is an aphrodisiac. So, I truly believe that, while money is certainly a factor for some women, many chase these type of men because they are so darned self-confidence and even cocky. After all, who wants to be on a losing team?

It's important to remember that a woman wants to be sure that the relationship is equal. You're only interest isn't in just satisfying your own needs. She wants to make sure that, at the end of the day, it's about an equal, fifty-fifty partnership where each partner is putting in just as much time and effort to really make the relationship one that will sustain.

Confidence doesn't come easily to some people. Past experiences and influences of others can put a strain on self-confidence. The good news is that confidence can be learned. That is the hope for those who sit on the sidelines, too afraid to reach out and too petrified to move to the next level in a relationship. Approaching someone you don't know or speaking in front of a group of strangers can seem like a daunting task; however, with the proper training, anyone can do it.

Now before you throw this manual down, thinking you will never achieve these seemingly unattainable feats, take a pause. We are not saying you have to be some overly-confident stud that comes in like a knight in shining armor and sweeps the woman off of her feet. We are just saying that being a solid, healthy, well put together man will go far in creating self-confidence and attracting women. Keep reminding yourself of all of the great things that you would bring to a relationship and characteristics about you that would keep a woman happy for a very long time.

It is so important to know exactly what it is that you are looking for. Knowing and showing what you want in a relationship is an attractive trait in and of itself. Going into it with a full knowledge of your likes and dislikes will automatically build confidence and we all know how sexy confidence is. It also helps to save time and heartache. Why date a woman who is passionate about animals and horseback riding when you are allergic to every furry thing on earth? Why date a woman who is a professed atheist when religion is extremely important to you? These are long term relationship killers, so be sure that you are very clear in determining what you want. No one wants to expend a lot of time trying to impress and get to know someone only to find out that person only dates women of a different hair color or religion, or ethnicity. It's a time waster and that time could have been better spent on a sure bet. So, take the time to really determine what it is you want. And remember, it's what you want, not what you think others want you to have.

When you meet a woman, however hard you try to impress others, you cannot control their thought processes. Instead, it's far better to concentrate on your needs and desires, and how much of what you need would be fulfilled if you dated this woman. Do you like what you see? Does her personality appeal to you? What are the topics she likes discussing, what are her general likes and dislikes? Does her intellect match yours?

Shared interests help you connect

The meshing of personalities is almost an aphrodisiac in itself. Have you ever met anyone who seemed to have such a similar personality as you? They have the same sense of humor, similar interests and even communicate like you. And have you noticed how comfortable you feel around that person as a result? Conversation seems almost effortless and time flies by. Well if you want to become attractive to a woman, that's a great place to start: shared interests. Fortunately most online dating sites have well established matching systems where you can quickly filter and find your ideal types.

It's all connected

All of these ideas are interconnected. You know what you really want in a partner, so that automatically makes you feel more confident. Your confidence puts the lady at ease, thereby making it easier to communicate and connect. And now that you know each other a lot better, and have shared interests you know the things to do to make her feel really special.

All of these tips are useless in and of themselves. They are all connected, one complementing the other, so don't avoid any of them.

Don't judge a book by its cover

Many people, particularly in today's society, tend to judge people on the way they look, the clothes they wear, and even how their hair is put together. Most of us have been guilty of this at one point or another. The danger with this practice is that it is usually incredibly obvious and a trait that is repulsive to women. No one wants to be judged by their appearance or feel as though someone is around them or dating them only because of how they look. Both men and women are guilty of this.

By making assumptions about someone according to their clothes or shoes, we cut a lot of great people out of our lives.

Everyone wants to feel special and women want to feel special and loved no matter if they are 20 and in great shape or 35 and carrying a child. Once your lady starts to think that you are only with her because of the way that she looks, it will be the beginning of the end. I can't emphasize this enough. No long term, lasting relationship has ever sustained itself through physical beauty alone. Look at the break up rate of celebrities and supermodels.

In the youth-oriented, male driven culture that we live in, women are chastised for getting and looking older, while men are considered ‘distinguished' looking. It's unfair, but a cruel reality. Most women fear looking older and some go to great lengths to hide it, even getting Botox and plastic surgery. Let's face it; we all, if given the chance to live long on this earth, will start showing the physical signs of aging. So, if you think you are going to take you beauty queen on a lifelong partnership based on looks, think again. Her looks will fade and so will yours. Lasting, true relationships endure when they are based on real human connections and love that has absolutely nothing to do with physical beauty.

This is not to say, completely ignore the physical. Obviously you have to be physically attracted to someone to have that certain sexual chemistry. However, you have to keep in mind that it will fade and you will need to reach a deeper love that will endure way beyond the time that the physical body starts to fade. Long lasting relationships happen when women feel special regardless of what happens to their bodies.

I'm really belaboring this point because it's really important. Every woman wants to know that they can trust you with their most treasured possession: their heart. She has to feel comfortable with you and really trust that you have her best interest at heart. Everyone knows that looks fade, and if that is the glue holding things together, the relationship will fail also.

Mental and emotional attraction is what will sustain a long term relationship. A good exercise is to write down all of the non-physical characteristics that you are attracted to in your lady. When you are finished with this list, write down all of the physical characteristics. Now look into the future, 10 to 15 years from now. You are still together. Which of those physical characteristics might have diminished? Which of the non-physical characteristics might have diminished? You'll find that physical will fade and the nonphysical will, not only sustain, but perhaps grow even stronger. So, you see, physical beauty will never, under any circumstance be the key to a long term relationship. If that were true, no super model in the world would ever get a divorce. Think about it.

Compliments are great, but not when they only focus on the physical. If you only compliment your lady on her legs or breasts, it's not going to get you very far. It's great at first, but it will get old very quickly if it's not balanced by other compliments. Compliment her on how intelligent she is and what a hard worker she is. Compliment her on accomplishing a goal she set for herself. Compliment her on her astuteness in solving difficult problems. These will go much further than always saying "Hey baby, nice rack."

Being a fully together person doesn't mean just wearing the right clothes or shoes or hairstyle. Being a fully developed person means being healthy on the outside and on the inside. You don't want someone to be with you only because you have ripped abs or great legs, and neither does a woman. You may work hard to maintain the physical characteristics she likes, but those legs and that hard rock abs won't sustain a long term relationship. You'll never hear an elderly couple, who have been together for decades, explain that what really held them together was a breast or a butt. What they talk about is much deeper than that. Here's an exercise. Find a senior couple that you know who has been together for a very long time. Ask them what has really held them together through the years. You will see what I mean.

Once you discover just how much more there is beyond the physical, you'll see how to sustain a real, solid relationship. You'll see that it is really those nonphysical characteristics that hold things together in the long term. And you will reach a new and deeper understanding of your relationship. And who will benefit? You will, but, more importantly, your special lady will, and she will keep coming back for more.

When your woman feels that you will love her no matter what, your relationship will take on a new level of trust, love and understanding.

Maintain and radiate a positive attitude

When it comes to seducing a woman, attitude is everything. In fact, that idea can apply to virtually anything in life. Approach something with a fully positive attitude, and the greater likelihood that you will achieve success. Let's look closer at how attitude works.

Positivity reflects in everything we do. Self-confidence and positivity are like aphrodisiacs. They are contagious and will attract women to you like you cannot imagine. No one wants to be around a negative person. It brings people down and when someone always feel bad being around you they won't want to be around you anymore. Practice positivity and having a great, optimistic attitude.

Remember, this is about making a good impression. If she thinks that life with you will be one negative comment after another, she'll go running to the more positive, optimistic guy. Part of being positive is also feeling good about who you are. Low self-esteem and always being down on yourself gets old fast. Confidence is an aphrodisiac. We've seen it over and over again. The guy who might not be particularly handsome will outshine a handsome guy by a mile if he happens to be stable, confident and in control and in-tuned with himself and his emotions.

As they say, attitude is everything. No one wants to be around a perpetually negative person. Neediness, negativity, and darkness are all things that will get her running for the door. She wants to feel special, not in the therapist kind of way. Negativity is draining and contagious. She doesn't want to be around it, nor does she want to introduce her friends to the darkness that is you! If you are a perpetually negative person, deal with it first, and then try online dating. You'll be much more successful!

This isn't to say that you have to kick up your heels every morning and sing to the world. Everyone has dark days and dark moods. If you are with the right person, they will support you during these times. The key is to have a good balance of both.

The most important benefit of a good attitude is good communication. Have you ever communicated with someone who sat there with their arms crossed, rolling their eyes? It is infuriating. Having a good attitude means being willing to hear the good and the bad and deal with both in a positive manner, knowing things will work out for the best.

Let's look at an example. One day, out of the blue, your lady starts to act strange. She is moody, depressed and negative. You try to talk to her but she clams up or snaps at you. Now you are angry. You both stop communicating. Then it leads to reduction in intimacy and then to virtually nothing. It's amazing how fast things can go south, so be careful.

And one thing's for sure. If you going to be are a dark, moody, brooding type of guy, you can be sure that those sunny, outgoing, happy women are going to pass you right by. We are all magnets drawn to similarity and things and people that make us feel comfortable.

Are you a negative person? Would you consider this an area that you need to work on? Never fear. There are things you can do to work on it. The first thing is to really dig deep to discover why you have a bad attitude. Is it a life circumstance that you can change, like a job or living space? Is it something deeper? Once you discover what it is you can start the work to change the circumstances if you can or learn to accept them as they are.

We caution you here. Don't try to upheave all of the bad things in your life. The key to success is to create small, achievable goals. Ones that you can achieve in short time and reward yourself for, thereby building your own confidence and positivity.

In summary, a positive attitude translates into a positive relationship. It's contagious and people will be drawn to you. More importantly, your lady will feel confident that she has chosen the right guy and will love you all the more.

Women are much better at making their man feel special. Men need to work at it much harder. The thing is, women need to feel special, so it's important for men to learn ways in which they can work to make their woman feel like she is really special. It will go a long way in creating a lasting relationship.

There are a host of mistakes that men make when trying to get to know a lady. I am going to discuss them in a bit more detail. The goal is not to make anyone feel bad or inept. The goal is to make sure that lessons are learned from mistakes so that they are not repeated. Some of this advice only applies to when you are dating in person. However, this will give you an idea of what to look out for later.

Stop staring

Because men tend to be very visual creatures, they often have a bad habit of staring at beautiful women they see, even when they are with their own woman. No one is saying that just because you are seeing someone there won't be anyone else that you are attracted to. As they say, there is always someone pretty, taller, thinner etc. However, it's extremely rude to stare blatantly at other women when you are with your lady. It's disrespectful and even can be considered a form of flirting. How would you feel if your woman was blatantly flirting with some hot, hard bodied stud at a bar? I rest my case.

Keep your attention on her

This idea ties into the above idea. If you are having lunch with your woman and looking at everything around except for her, it sends the signal that she really isn't that important and that you have other priorities. And if she's not a priority, you need to leave her alone and find the thing that is your priority.

Keep your flirting for another time

If you want to know the quickest way to start an argument of even possibly end a relationship, start looking at and flirting with other women in the presence of your lady. If you survive without a drink over your head, you'll not just have a lot of explaining to do, but you most certainly be sleeping on the couch. Few things are considered more disrespectful to ladies, than blatant flirting with other women. Not only does it make her feel unimportant, but it sends a strong signal to her that, with just a little encouragement, you will definitely be a cheater.

There's nothing more annoying than having to compete with the football game or with other friends for your partner's attention. Be sure never to ignore or annoy your lady in this way. Whether you are watching a football game with your buddies, or playing a little one on one basketball with a friend, don't completely ignore her as though she weren't there. That will get old fast and you will be out even quicker.

Introduce her like a star

Have you ever been with a friend and they run into someone they know, greet them and embark on a long dialogue while you stand there feeling like the backdrop? Imagine that feeling if you were dating that person. The rule here is to be sure that, no matter what the circumstances, be sure that the first thing you do is introduce your girl to some of the people you know. It doesn't like you have to be the town crier, but just be respectful and put yourself in her shoes.

Next, we will discuss some things that you can do to really help your lady feel special. Don't worry. None of them are extravagant or require a lot of planning. They are those small, but often forgotten, things that you can do that she will notice: the things that send a silent signal to her saying "He really cares."

Undivided attention

We've all seen the image of the man sitting at the breakfast table reading the morning paper, while his partner pours out her heart and soul only to be met with a unfocused "Yes dear." There is nothing more annoying than feeling like you are not being heard. Give your special lady undivided attention. This doesn't mean run after her every step like a puppy dog. It just means practice present listening.

Eye contact

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone while they are packing for a trip or texting? It can be the most infuriating experience. People don't make eye contact anymore. When it happens, it's memorable. Look your lady deep into her eyes when she is talking. It will make her realize that you are very interested in what she is saying and care.

Show your affection

Touch the small of her back when you enter a restaurant. Kiss her gently on the cheek at an unexpected time. Grab the back of her elbow to help her step out of the car. Whisper something seductive in her ear at a party. These little things may seem small, but they go a very long way in making her feel super special. Showing affection, particularly at unexpected times is an amazing turn on.

You should notice by now, that you don't have to be super wealthy or incredibly outwardly powerful to make a woman feel special. In fact, it's those little things, not the fancy cars, skywriting, or expensive jewelry, that are the things that she will remember the most. That's using your inner power to influence her.

When you make your lady feel special, it ends up being a two-way street. She will inevitably want to reciprocate. She will also develop a trust in you, knowing that because you care so much about her, you will go to any lengths to make her happy. This results in a safe, secure feeling. And who doesn't want to feel safe and secure in their relationship? Whether she' s having a bad day or just got that big promotion at the job, she'll want to stare into those caring eyes and share every moment and every emotion. That's because she knows how special she is to you. You care. You are there. And you want to be there for every important moment in her life, whether good or bad.

One of the key things women look for in a man is sensitivity. In fact, one of the most common complaints among women is that the men they encounter are insensitive clods. So, if you plan on having any chance whatsoever, of success, you had better start honing in on your sensitivity gene.

Many people who cringe at the idea of sensitivity really don't understand what it is. They have some preconceived notion that this somehow means being weak or an emotional wreck. It is quite the contrary. Being sensitive basically means being responsive and aware of the things and experiences around you. The more sensitive you are, the more you can be communicative and responsive to the needs of your partner. So, you see, it's a very good thing.

Now, let's be very clear about what being aware means. Being aware doesn't mean seeing this or seeing that and saying okay, ‘this or that is there' so I'm sensitive. Being sensitive is about being aware and responding appropriately. For instance, your lady, says' she feels as though she is catching a cold. Maybe that same night you decide to make some homemade chicken soup and put an extra blanket on the bed. That's being sensitive and that's what will keep her coming back for more. That's just a small example, of many, that translates into being a sensitive guy and one that the ladies will keep coming back for.

Now we should discuss the next layer of sensitivity. The above example seems pretty simple and you may be thinking, "Hmmm, I can make a little chicken soup and throw a blanket on the bed, so, great, I'm sensitive." Not so fast, my macho friend. Sensitivity also means being sensitive to your own feelings and being able to express them. Communication rears its head again. A confident, sensitive man is able to express how he is feeling without feeling as though he is losing his masculinity. Actually, women view this as a sign of being confident in your masculinity, contrary to what many men think.

We caution you to remember that sensitivity is genuine and from the heart. You can't fake this. You need to really be in tuned with her and with yourself. She will be able to see through a faked attempt at sensitivity a mile away. Everyone has feelings, whether female or male. Are you in touch with your own? Do you know how to express them? Perhaps it's a good time for a bit of soul searching.

So, why do men seem to cringe at the thought of being called sensitive? A lot of it has to do with masculinity. Masculinity and sensitivity seem worlds apart to many. Many men think being sensitive means losing their masculinity when, in fact, quite the opposite is true. A man, who actually is comfortable with his masculinity, has no problem being sensitive. If you are not comfortable with this idea, perhaps it's a good time to sit down and really look at the reasons why.

Get in tune with yourself

I can't stress enough the importance of sensitivity and really knowing who you are and being in tuned with your emotions. It's similar to the adage: if you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. You should be able to openly express how you are feeling to your partner. Likewise, your partner should feel free to express her emotions with you, no matter what those may be. I'm not trying to say that you should become a whimpering, sniffling idiot, crying at the sight of every little thing. What I'm talking about is showing the masculine strength that comes along with being sensitive. You are comfortable with your masculinity and those who are comfortable with masculinity are the ones who have no troubles showing emotion and encouraging their partner to do the same. There is no more special feeling than having someone really listen and empathize with you.

While we are stressing the importance of being a sensitive, caring man, we also have to keep stressing the idea of balance. Every conversation doesn't have to be lathered with heavy emotional issues. You don't have to look like a whining emotional basket case. And it doesn't mean you take on every homeless stray puppy in the world. It means simply that you truly care for your woman and you want to make sure that she is happy and gets the very best of everything life has to offer - including YOU!

Balancing acts

In order to realize success, you need to find a healthy balance. Don't spend time focusing too much on a particular problem. In other words, don't borrow trouble. If you see something you don't like, you can express your opinion, but belaboring the point and over analyzing every little aspect of an issue, will not only get boring, but it will ultimately send her running for the hills. You will start to look like a whiny little baby.

If you are spending all of your time with her focusing on an issue over and over again, the issue will start to take on a life of its own and become an unwelcome third-party in your relationship.

The basic point is that it's important to be sensitive to the needs of your woman. It's really not that hard.

You want a compassionate, loving, and attractive partner. Don't you? So why not be one yourself. The Beatles once said "The love you take is equal to the love you make." It's all about a healthy balance, a give and take, a yin and a yang.

Being a hot chick doesn't come with an owner's manual and many people stress out trying to determine what the world wants from them. They're viewed by most men as trophies to be scored and disposed of, which doesn't help matters either. By extension, you also come under this umbrella of pressure by trying to get close to her life. Does her becoming associated with you somehow enhance the extraordinary quality of her life as seen by those who would judge her by these high standards, or diminish it instead?