Dates Advantage

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Introduction

This section will:

Depending on the dating service you have chosen, there are various ways you can initiate contact or be contacted. Internet dating websites are constantly updating their look and adding new features.

Here are the typical methods available through modern dating sites:.

Outside of the dating site here are some of the other options available:

To let someone know you are interested you can select an option some sites call a wink or a tease. While this allows you to be coy and indicate interest, it does not require you to put yourself on the line to reveal or say anything about yourself. This is not as effective as contacting women directly through the online dating website e-mail or instant message. Some women do not respond to winks or teases because it takes so little effort and reveals nothing about the sender. It is best to write an initial e-mail or instant message if that option is available, that will arouse the respondent's interest and make her or her want to contact you to learn more.

Your first email serves as your pick-up line with the added benefit that you can design this e-mail based on information that is given to you in their profile. Some online dating sites provide very structured initial contacts where you select questions for someone to answer and then he or she answers them and in turn sends you some questions. You progress from standard answers to questions and then to direct e-mails through website. Both of you can decide when to go off site to your personal e-mail or phone or in-person meeting. The matches they send you are based on the compatibility profiles completed to begin on the site. You can search outside your matches as well.

Some sites have a digital voice recorder that records a message up to thirty seconds and digital video recorder, which requires that you have a webcam. Others can also utilize your cell phone and link you anonymously with someone. This feature is not free, but it is truly anonymous.

One thing that I have found especially useful is the feature that tells you to view how active the person has been online. Usually this is given in terms of how recently the person has been online. Someone who has not been online for several weeks may no longer be active and has possibly quit the service and will never receive your message. She also may have never subscribed for the service and will never receive your E-mails or be able to respond to you, yet her profile is posted to entice you and add numbers to the site's website. Good for them but bad for you. Another useful feature is the one that lets you know if the person is currently online and also whether you can instantly message them.

Initiating contact with a possible suitor can most certainly be intimidating, confusing, and scary at first. Remember though that both men and women like it when someone contacts them first, that's the whole point. So do not hesitate for these reasons; remember that people are online to meet other people.

WARNING: One word of caution here is that you should only initiate contact with women who might be interested in you. Pay attention to the criteria that they specify. For example, if they want someone who is a non-smoker and you smoke, this may eliminate you even if you plan to quit.

The same goes for someone who wants to meet women of their own religion and race. An exception can be made for age to a certain extent because many women state a lower age range because they expect most people to lie about it. So if the age range they list is 40-45 and you are 46 or 47, you might try. If you are over 50, this might be too big of a stretch. Do not take the criteria personally and feel bruised if the person does not reply. Some women do not wish to date someone shorter than they are and others may not be interested in riding motorcycles. So be it. This is not your match and it does not mean you are anything less than the unique being you are.

Your skill at writing good initial responses will improve with practice. It takes trial and error and your skills will increase rapidly. It is much easier to cyber-flirt than to flirt in person for many of us. So, a good place to start is with a simple Email or Instant Message, we will look at how to go about that in more detail in the following section which will help you to find the right words and set the one for your messages.

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First Contact Rules

You're probably asking yourself, "What should I say in my first e-mail or IM?" Well:

Keep in mind that flattery by itself is a weak opener because it doesn't invite other conversation. For example:

You: "You have a great smile"

Her: "Thank you"

If your smile is great too, she might add the following, which will only lead to:

She: "Your smile is great too"

He: "Thank you"

Wow, what a start. We have the possible beginning of a toothpaste ad. Seriously, compliments are nice and may indeed be very true, but where does it go from here? More often than not it just moves the ball into the other person's court.

Questions need answers

If she posted some questions in her profile, this is an excellent opening for you. A good first e-mail or instant message picks up on something from a posted profile, states your response, and shows a little about you. Find something that stood out in the profile, which lets her know that you have taken the time to read what she wrote, and you both have something in common.

For example:

"I am impressed that the last book you read was_____. I found this to be really informative and interesting, although I did not agree with everything the author said. What did you think about his viewpoint?"

This example relates to something specific mentioned in her profile and also creates some intrigue, which invites the other party to find out what it was that you did not agree with and also to respond to your question. It is flexible enough that if the person agreed or disagreed with the book you have not made a judgment. It gives the person a conversation to follow up with you. In this response you have focused on the reader, demonstrated interest in something about him or her, and initiated a conversation.

You might find something jazzier such as:

"Hi, I think it's great that you fell in love with Paris during your visit there. It is one of my favorite cities, too. I love the museums and cafes in particular. What did you enjoy the most?"

Here is the headline and opening paragraph of someone's profile and an initial contact:

Headline:

"Do you believe in magic?"

Opening:

"Life is magical… looking for someone to join me on a magic carpet ride."

Email contact:

"May I ride on your magic carpet? I will bring the Pixie Dust and some magic of my own."

Things to look out for

Here are some actual e-mails that my respondents or I have received. How would you respond to each of these? Which ones would you answer? Which ones turn you off? Which ones are more effective at starting a conversation?

"Hi angel, how are you doing today? I read your profiles and I was really happy with it. Well i hope that we can meet online so that we can be able to have some conversation baby, and our conversation might be compatible and have a dream to share, what a nice picture of yours with good profiles, let's start and get to know one another, the journey of one thousand miles starts with a step, who knows may be we are really match."

This email demonstrates the importance of a basic command of English grammar and spelling if you wish to attract someone who is fairly educated. If you do not wish to immerse yourself in English grammar and spelling, have dyslexia, or English is not your first language; then let your fingers do the walking.

First compose your message, profile or whatever, in a basic word document. If you use Microsoft Word for Windows, go into Tools and use spell check and grammar check. This may seem to be a lot of work, but it is an excellent compensatory strategy for those persons who may be writing impaired. If you are just lazy and rush through composing an e-mail, just be aware of how you present yourself through this carelessness. You do not have to be too smart to write better than the above example and recognize illiteracy.

Compare the above to the following examples:

"I read your profile and liked what I read. It sounds as if you are spunky and I like that. I love to travel and want to meet a woman who likes the kind of active adventures you describe and who has an upbeat attitude toward life. I am a lawyer, too. If you could change one thing in the world, what would that be?"

"Enjoyed reading about all the things you like to do. I have approximately the same list, but add: gardening and boating. I just moved to X, bought a house in Y. Boat is at my dock in the backyard. Based on what I read in your profile: I would appreciate an opportunity to get to know you. Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading this."

"Normally I would bypass a profile as long as yours, but I found it to by interesting, yes all the way to the end. I loved it."

They are more likely to encourage a response and further discussion.

Are you there?

Once you have created and sent out some opening messages it is easy to just sit back and hope for the mail to pour in and your soul mate to find you. Instead, actively use the Internet as a dating tool to get the results you want. This does take time but what is important is that you keep going to the bus stop - sooner or later the right bus is likely to come along. This is why you cannot give up the search. It is easy to become frustrated and opt out. New singles are coming online all the time and while you are looking, you are improving your skills, learning what works and what doesn't, and becoming even clearer about what you want, as well as what you do not. Usually people remain active online until they meet someone and then cancel their subscription. If this relationship ends, they sign up again on the same or another site.

People who do not fall madly in love within a few months often become discouraged and quit; as do people who have a bad experience. A rejection makes some people run for cover. It is more productive instead to take a good long look at yourself. There is always some way to improve your profile, your photographs, your e-mails or a whole approach that might be undermining your efforts. Do not take the easy way out and retreat or resign yourself to lurking around the website but not subscribing or not contacting others. Instead, examine yourself as objectively as you can. What is your pattern? What impression do you give? Ask others how they see your profile, what you write, what you say, and what you do.

Thankfully times have changed and it's quite normal for women to contact men first. But don't look at this as if they are desperate; it simply indicates that they are interested in you, which is good. Men, just like women, like to have someone indicate an interest in them. By implementing my tools, techniques and tips within this system you'll no doubt find yourself in a position where you're receiving so many e-mails, just keeping up with these will be enough. You won't have time to search for additional women.

Three is the magic number

One sure kiss of death for the online dating relationship is getting too serious too fast and expecting too much. You're better off going with the flow, enjoying the excitement, but lowering your expectations and then being pleasantly surprised. The most important thing you can do is release your attachment to the outcome. Keep a realistic attitude, and know it's OK to continue exploring what might be.

While most challenges can be overcome when you fall in love, it's good to be realistic in the beginning. Rather than getting swept away, remind yourself of the possibility that the chemistry may not be right, there may not be a practical fit with values and spiritual beliefs, or perhaps there may not be a structural fit in terms of distance, work schedules, children, parents, etc.

Don't expect an immediate response. Many people who date online use an email account that they only check a couple of times per week. If you write daily wondering why they haven't responded yet, you'll not only look too eager or desperate, you'll likely scare them off with your intensity.

Guys, please realize that there are far more men than women on most sites and women get many more times the responses as guys do. She'll likely need a little time to wade through the responses to find her man. Also remember that the old social convention of "the guys do the chasing" is still very true on the Internet. If your email box isn't overflowing, just get out there and write to your dream girl; she's probably waiting for you to make the first move.

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The Rule of Three

Don't juggle more than 3 online date prospects at a time. Most guys try to juggle way too many and have difficulty keeping them all in check. It's acceptable and usually understood to interact with more than one person and even date more than one before you become exclusive. Be straight, be honest about dating others and don't string them along. Record facts and conversations in your journal or your head will hurt trying to keep them straight. As soon as you sense there's not a fit, let them know and move on.

Ideally, you want to ask a woman out as soon as possible to move the relationship from the virtual-world to the real-world. But you cannot tell her to do this or even hint it too soon. On the other hand, you should not wait forever. I think the exchange of at least three emails to everyone who interests you is about right. Sometimes guys will get overly excited and may want to meet right away. Keep the relationship online until you're reasonably sure that there's enough compatibility to carry a conversation and have a fun time together. Sadly guys will hang in there way too long, sometimes as long as six months because they don't know how to follow through.

Ask at least three key questions per email / conversation/date aimed at discovering compatibility. When online dating, asking lots of questions is not considered nosy, it's an essential sign of interest. How else can you get to know each other? If you do run into someone who is uncomfortable answering questions, you should consider it a red flag and ask yourself if you really want to date them. Of course you have to be cautious in what you ask. Don't get too personal at first.

For example the following are questions likely to raise alarm bells:

"What's your home address?"

"What bank do you use?"

Keep it light, for example:

"Did you watch the Olympics on the weekend? What's your favorite event?"

This will indicate your interest without delving too deep. However, be equally wary of someone who won't reveal general details or talk about themselves at all.

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Advice

Your first online dating email should be short, specific, intriguing, and include a call to action. Writing a short initial message of 3 to 5 lines is enough when online dating, because the women you are targeting don't really want to or even have the time to read long emails, at least not on first contact. Don't forget they get literally bombarded by cut and paste, long and boring emails about the man. Always remember that it's about her, not you.

Following are good and bad examples of first real contact messages and emails that I have sent out and got great results with. All of these initiated replies, further contact, and dates.

Good examples

Here's how it's done - first contact email messages that stick to the rules:

"Good evening Fitness-Lady69…hope you're having a great day. Got to say your profile most certainly caught my attention. "Why," I hear you ask? Well for starters it was indeed Cute, Amusing and filled with a great sense of Humor. Love your off the wall outlook at this zany digital paradigm lobby of online dating! And hey pretty cool to see that you're deeply involved within the world of Health and Fitness…me too. Can you tell me what area of fitness you specialize in…would certainly love to know more."

"A great profile Becky-B...intellectual and so right on. Surely you must be a writer? Or at least write in your profession? You are very eloquent and it's absolutely wonderful to read a profile so thoughtfully written and intriguing. I would love to chat and get to know you better. I so like your thoughts, values and ideals."

"I read your profile and really liked your idea of a first date, especially the part about being able to keep a conversation going. Since I fully understand that within this strange and yet fascinating ‘cyber place' it certainly can at times be difficult to keep the momentum going and I suspect many conversations do drift off. Look forward to hearing from you."

"Ah, you're a lady who is an avid reader. I must confess though Dawn that I too have a deep underlying passion for reading which awakes inside me like some dormant craving to be mentally alive. Hmmmn I suppose a book to me is the most effective weapon against intolerance and ignorance! What are you reading currently if you don't mind me asking?"

"I like your photo. GREAT smile - looks like you're having fun. What were you thinking about when you took that? Have a great day"

"Hey Cali-Girl I've just realized something after reading your profile and one question intrigues me is this...YOU being 5' 10" and ME being 6' 5" would certainly mean you could wear heels without causing any ‘Height Inferiority Complexes'' (Smile). Besides the sight of us together would truly turn some heads and possibly break some necks as well (Bigger Smile). So how about it...fancy breaking some necks! (Biggest Smile)"

Bad examples

How not to do it, email messages that break the rules:

"I'm sorry to just contact you out of the blue..."

"You probably won't want to go with me, but I thought I'd try anyway." "Oh, I have so many women after me it's now becoming a joke...."

"You're Hot"

"You're every guy's perfect dream woman!.....mmmmmm big huggggs babyeeee :)"

"I have a boat (King Fisher) and I spend lots of time hanging out in the sun. Want a ride"

"Hi my name is Bill, how are you?"

"Hello I read your profile and saw your pictures. Nice!"

"I think we have a lot in common?"

"You sound interesting...let's meet up for lunch?"

"Any gals out there up some fun fun fun!! Well just give me a shout yeah." "Hey baby, I saw your stunning photos and just had to email you IMMEDIATELY. Hmmm so what lucky man will get to kiss those full pouting lips? Me I hope?"

"Hi there and WOW you look just like my ex...so here's my phone number, what's yours?"

"Hi I'm new to online dating so not really sure what happens next...?"

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When to Respond

This section will:

Any woman who has responded to your profile has put her heart on the line. Why? Because she has responded to you because she saw something different or appealing about you and is genuinely interested. Keep In mind that they are as vulnerable to rejection as you are.

Don't freak out. The chances that every woman you wrote to will reply, or that any one of them is the right person for you, are pretty slim. Depending on the region of the country you're making contact with, your odds of having someone reply to your initial message vary. Many reasons exist why many people don't respond. You don't have to respond to someone sending a wink or a smile or a teaser, they are usually not expecting a response. Women who send these kinds of winks and teasers are often too shy, too lazy, too cheap to subscribe or too busy multi-dating to send a real email.

Sending winks and teasers is like winking at somebody across the bar to see if they take the bait. Usually there's not enough interest to buy someone a drink or get up out of your chair for a face to face introduction.

Similarly, I choose not to respond to women who simply attach their profile with no note, or who send a four-line generic form letter. Of course whether you respond is your personal preference. However, I believe that if someone has taken the time to read my profile and send me a complimentary note expressing genuine interest, then they at least deserve a few minutes of my time to look at their profile and respond with a kind note. Not replying is a sure way of discouraging them and knocking confidence.

Basically the conversation is a two-way flow of communication between a sender and receiver. There is give and take: the sender and receiver alternate roles. A conversation is not all about you, nor all about them.

Here is a typical response that keeps the conversation going after the first e-mail exchange:

"Hi, I am delighted that you wrote back and yes, in response to your question, I would like to continue getting to know more about you. You have a great sense of humor and I liked what you said in response to my question about your family and values. They are very similar to mine. I also have two children, one aged 8, who wants to try out for every team boys play in, and my eldest, whose computer, I fear, has become a permanent part of his body at the tender age of 11. I have to email him to tell him its dinner time. I agree that parenthood is a serious responsibility and full of daily challenges!

You sound like a great parent who also enjoys children as much as I do. What do you enjoy doing most with your children, and what is the hat game you said you all play?

When I have free time I often curl up with a good book and listen to smooth jazz. In fact, I just finished reading the book you listed as one of your favorites."

At some point, you may be involved in two or more e-mail exchanges that seem promising, which at times can feel a bit scary. Why? Well, you may cross wires and screw them both up. Another reason is that you know you'll soon have to make up your mind and you could easily be wrong. The best advice is to stay on e-mail as long as possible to get to know more about each prospect.

Too busy to write e-mails

We males get a tiny fraction of email. Even though most sites are within 10 percent of being equally balanced between male and female postings, you won't find any balance at all with respect to who writes most of the mail. Men write most of the e-mail, which is probably a cultural bias, but there you have it.

I know some men who respond to women's initial e-mails too quickly; not minutes, but nanoseconds. They stay on the computer all day as if they were on a fishing expedition, just waiting to catch a live one, hoping that a quick response will get a relationship going faster. This is a big mistake, it smacks of desperation, and it just doesn't work. When men you hardly know or recently met online hear from you too quickly or too constantly, they will think you have no life, even if your ad or profile states how busy and wonderful your life is.

You would think that we are talking about women who don't have much going on. On the contrary these women could be busy doctors, analysts who are members of organizations, and marathon runners with tons of friends who still manage to e-mail back in five minutes. Unfortunately, they also give the impression that they are in fact not very busy and way too eager.

So to give the right impression that you are a busy guy with hobbies and lots going on and hardly any time for chit-chat:

There is nothing less effective than e-mailing women back instantly.

If your job requires working on a computer all day, fine! That doesn't make it okay to e-mail and Instant Message women all day. Making them wait to hear from you is good for you - and for them. It creates desire, longing, and anticipation. It makes the chase that much sweeter, and they treasure every e-mail from you all the more. If she hears from you too soon and too often then she will get bored before she even meets you, or soon thereafter.

While on the subject of juggling e-mail exchanges with two or more prospects, for those of you who may be wondering whether putting one email exchange on hold while pursuing another is okay, I have one more nugget of advice.

First, check out this example of how not to do it:

"I've enjoyed chatting with you for the last few days, but I've been simultaneously corresponding with another woman, and we've decided to meet. I don't know if it will go anywhere, because most of these things don't, but I want to be honest and not date two people at the same time. Would you mind if I contact you again, assuming you're also available, if my date doesn't work out?"

In the example above the guy has given away too much information. The person he has emailed will think "Who does he think he is? He tells me I am second best and he still has the nerve to ask if I will continue if things don't work out. Who is he kidding?"

As I said earlier, online dating gives you some information about the person with which to start. It is much easier to initiate and respond to a conversation when you have some areas to pick up on, and you are starting slower than with traditional dating. You are feeling each other out as you decide whether or not to continue contacting each other. Certain emails will reflect that the individuals took the time to continue to construct personal and specific emails that are conversational and have a give and take flow.

So remember:

Good examples

Examples of how you will be contacted first:

There is often a misconception among women that they have to sit back and wait for men to contact them unless they want to be seen as forward. This is absolute nonsense. Even traditional dating has moved away from this notion, with most men nowadays being flattered and responsive when a woman approached them. This is certainly the case online, where things are generally flirtier; it's now perfectly acceptable for both men and women to make the first move.

And hey guys if you still don't believe me then here are some of the initial emails I've received over the years from ladies who have made the decision to contact me first. Enjoy it, because I certainly did.

"Normally I would bypass a profile as long as yours, but I found it to be interesting, yes all the way to the end. I loved it."

"I would love to keep in touch, I usually visit the Hollywood and Ft. Lauderdale areas about once a month, plans to visit really soon. Maybe you and I can have lunch or just hangout and enjoy each other."

"LMAO... Loved your profile.. wanted to say hello and tell you that NOPE...not bad at all for 43...:) lol"

"If you want to chat...I am here.."

"I just had to tell you that yours is the most entertaining profile I've read since I entered this mosh pit of depravity. Good luck in your search!"

"First off, no 10 millipedes do not make 1 centipede. They are two different insects. Do I pass the test???"

"Your novel is impressive to say the least and your humor comes through loud and clear."

"How far are you from St. Petersburg? I will be down there on holiday next month."

"Your profile put a smile on my face - have a great day!! Kisses"

"You look like you're more in the gym than me...Kudos! I am a little upset to be fighting off a cold. But...gonna take my vitamins and head to the gym this morning...thanks for the motivation."

"This site is pretty much like the lottery...the odds of finding a winner is one in a million or greater. Most people create fake profiles with facades of who they think they are lol."

"I did enjoy reading your humorous profile; very much......You are quite comical...."

"There are way too many people out there, trying to be something they are not....and they take things too serious. They need to get over themselves....lol....Life is for living....not fretting. Have a superb day!"

"I'm way over here in Tampa and wanted to say hello. Couldn't help myself =)"

"Thanks I think its so refreshing to find someone that is open and not afraid to be themselves and doesn't care what other people think. I only wish I lived closer so we could meet. If you ever find yourself in the west coast of Florida, drop me a message. Wishing you all the best!! Lisa"

"Hi there, well your profile is as promised hilarious. I get the humor - fellow Brit! Although I think it is spelt humor (who knows and who really cares). I've been here since '98 so am a bit more familiar with the lingo, and yes they have B*stardised our language."

"My profile keeps changing cause I seem to attract the "Wow sexy" "hey baby" type people so I've simplified it and now not so many emails - go figure. I work out but no way near as much as you! I'm currently training for my first 5K and holy cow it's killing me. I can do it in the gym (almost) but outside is another issue. Shame you don't smoke, cause the first time you ask for a "fag" you get some really strange looks!! I don't smoke now but did 12 years ago and trust me that was a talking point for months. Anyway I'm more verbally challenged than you so will just say you brightened my afternoon and made me laugh."

"Your profile is interesting to say the least....Hey did u read about the event this Saturday....look under local events under your inbox icon...You should go....it's gonna be lots of fun...I will look for the abs...oops...I mean accent......lol probably both....Take care."

"I was highly entertained with your profile...I felt as if I was watching a TV comedy show....Nicely done....Thanks...."

"Hey.....I read your profile and seriously u r a trip!!! You got me...I was LOL. By the way....body aside...you're a really handsome guy with what sounds like a great sense of humor....Enjoy your day!"

"Thank you for the gut wrenching laughter. I truly enjoyed reading your profile whether you are real or not. You are definitely a funny person. Nice pictures. Oh, I definitely get your profile. I was laughing with you and not at you believe that...it's a classic!"

"Hi my name is Nicole. Sorry for the bad pics on here but look very good in person though. I am from Gainesville Florida and am looking for a friend so get at me..by the way I am a single parent am also 23 years old.. VERY INTERESTING PROFILE......(SMILE)."

"You seem like a very fun person, even if it's just for a Friend. I love to be around people who like to have a lot of fun and laugh. Laughter is good medicine...anyway, I should have introduced myself before commenting on your profile..."

"Damn! Just gotta say that body of yours is something else!!! "

"I sat back this evening with a glass of Merlot and began to read your biography that you have posted. I must say I cracked up! You have (1) very good writing skills and (2) a great sense of humor. And by the way, it would be spelled... Intelligence. Hope to hear back from you."

"Are absolutely hysterical...LOL! Loved the profile and actually read to the end...couldn't stop (very entertaining),even though I'm in Tampa, I would like to get to know you, you seem like a great guy..and yes, you are absolutely stunning, but love your humility..."

"Hello, I just wanted to let you know that I thoroughly enjoyed reading your creative and entertaining profile and looking at your pictures. Your daughters are just beautiful and I am sure the joy of your life. You would be my inspiration at the gym. I am ending a 21 year marriage to a man who never appreciated the wonderful wife and excellent mother I was to his beautiful daughters. I never had much self-esteem because he would call me his full size wife, sack of potatoes etc. He on the other hand was a full time couch potato and nothing to look at. I think I am fine, Just need to build some muscle, I am I guess you would say soft skinny girl I am 5'11 and 145 pounds.(some say I am too skinny) I have a 36" inseam, long long slender legs. I can still wear a bikini and the young men still turn their heads. But I gotta get my self-esteem back since I was knocked down all those years. Realize I cannot come over and knock on your door and say lets hit the gym so you can show me a few tips, but could you tell me the fastest way to build some nice lean muscle in my legs. I love to wear my girlie dresses and heels and want to turn my tan long legs into curvy muscular legs. You can never have to many friends in this world so I hope we can chat. Many blessings"

"Hi I was browsing profiles and your tag-line caught my attention, then your profile made me smile. Welcome to America! Nice to know you Brits find our speech as odd as we find yours. You'll learn to speak American English (is there such a thing?) eventually. Or, at the very least, be able to decode it. :)"

"You are Very unique and interesting."

"Hello, I am not going to say too much at present because no matter what I say the pictures will make your decision as to whether you reply or not. Ball's in your court now?"

"...you made me genuinely laugh out loud...what a self-assured gent you are (in a good way). Hello...nice to meet you xx"

" Wow......I actually did make it all the way through your verbiage........and loved it......so tell me....is there a prize involved......;-)"

" OMG......you're are SOOOOO funny.......and I'm gonna have to pass(pass-out... hahaha) on the workout in the sun..... hahahaha...... Well.....yeah....I do get your sense of humor, even if everyone in the US and UK don't..lol... maybe cause I'm just a little weird....or perhaps it's because I am a words person..... I love the written word and a man who is articulate and can express himself....makes my mouth water.....Honestly, your beautiful body is SO intimidating that if I didn't read your War & Peace profile, I probably would've never sent you a note......I keep it real too....Tell me what you think of my profile...."

"HAD TO TELL YOU YOUR PROFILE IS AMAZING..LOL..WISHING YOU A BLESSED DAY"

"You are indeed humorous. Yes, I read the dissertation you wrote called a profile. But I surprisingly liked it. I would really like to hear from you."

"Hello, I'm not sending this in hopes that you would be interested in me, but I must say that I did enjoy reading your profile. You are too funny and I love the way you think along with your well-built body... In my head... I can just hear the sounds of you talking...I love it!!!.... I do hope you find the woman of your dreams.... You have a wonderful day."

"Wanted to say you put a lot of effort into your profile. Let's connect!"

"You really should get off this site and write write write...goddamn it (ha-ha), I would definitely be first in line at the book store he-he. But anyway maybe you could write to me."

"Hello I've decided to push your button, no non-human here. Yes I belch, Burp,and other's I won't say. . Anyway enjoyed your Novel, oh yeah you didn't mention if you have travelled to the moon or not. New to online dating (joined yesterday), saw your profile decided to say HI. Take Care and have a Bless Day."

"First of all, congrats on the devotion you have to your body. It pays off well for you, most can't get those results. I'm not the fitness guru that you are by any stretch but do take care of myself and devote at least 3 or 4 days to serious physical activity. My fave is step aerobics so I can tell you my legs are amazing. Your profile was a lot to take in but every time I pass your pic I have to stop and look again. Figured I should say hi. Hope your weekend is going well. PS...your wit and intellect are superior and a little intimidating but you probably know that as well."

"Hello. I had the pleasure of viewing your profile last night and I must say, with no disrespect, you Are an absolutely Yum-Yum! LOL. I swore I had sent a message but my sent file doesn't reflect that! So, this is my second feeble attempt to catch your eye. ; I would love to have a conversation with you and learn a little more of what you are about. I am very eclectic as a have traveled the world as a little girl and lived in places like Germany and Japan and visited England, Spain, etc. And have met better many cultures, so you can imagine nothing is above nor beneath me. (Smile). Give a conversation a try. I and a lot of run and at the very least a good friend to those who know me. I hope to hear from you. Take care."

"WOW you are an absolute one off and incredibly articulate and have that amazing body too ..Yes I would love to turn heads walking with you ..My best friend has a criteria for a possible partner, she says, ‘Could you happily walk down the street with him without cringing or feeling unsafe or even proud' ..I like that. Mine is, Imagine you were on a burning plane on a runway would you know that the man you're with wouldn't stand on your face in the rush to get off it! Ha-ha. I've been out with some guys who would! I'm traditional in that I don't do casual sex, and I want to be friends with a person and exactly as you've said when its just the two of you, could you feel safe and happy and know that you could laugh and enjoy just being together ..But a realist too ... I expect we would have a very interesting time as I talk a lot too and think fast. And I have a very enquiring mind and love to learn about people ..:)"

"Hello and thank you for taking the time to view my profile.... this is apparently the part where I make you believe that I am totally amazing, seriously talented, exceptionally well educated etc etc ok so look into my eyes, not around the eyes into my eyes......... I could start by telling you that I usually climb a couple of mountains before breakfast as I like to have the first meal of the day with a view. I could also tell you that on Monday I white water raft, Tuesday is the day I help heal the sick, Wednesday I am at the orphanage, Thursday extreme sports, Friday train guide dogs to parachute whilst attached to their owners (not many takers so far) The weekends I am usually on my yacht in Cannes. Now I feel like I fit in with lots of people on here, yippee. Or I could just say, email me ask me a few questions, tell me about yourself and lets see if we get along............ However I would say that if you think its gr8 2 write like that we may not, also if you have a pit bull named Tyson, live with your parents/rented accommodation, claim unemployment benefits and think Mac Donald's is a restaurant, as lovely as you may be I don't think we will have much in common. Ooh and before I go please can your photo be a recent true likeness of yourself as if we did meet and its not I will notice and its just embarrassing all round, Thanks and lots of luck."

"Well my profile comes across as a complete dog's dinner of barely cobbled together ramblings compared to your masterpiece. Alas, it's at times like these that a lack of talent shines through. Instead I shall burble on about pretty much nothing-mainly because I can. Also-I did like the spirit of your profile and the humor therein. You seem able to string a sentence together and I didn't notice any glaring errors. Oooo errr what a sassy dame...(I hate exclamation marks so assume that comment will be taken in the spirit in which it is intended and that you won't be mortally offended). I don't look too hideous and can scrub up ok on a good day though I have a few extra pounds now compared to when I was 19. No 6 pack I'm afraid.. That's about it I think. Well probably not but I've run out of steam now and need a coffee. Hope for some words from you if I sound like someone you would like to know......"

"OMG you are truly a very funny man, and yes the intrigue is building, I love it. If you care to share more, I am ready, willing and excited to dive into the rest of your novel, story, or life in general ;-) I am about 30 miles from Hollywood so if you are planning a visit I would love to meet you and actually listen to your fascinating words rather than read them. (although I think you should be a poet, music writer or a writer period). You are oh so creative.... And you by far have one of the best six packs I have ever seen. Take care"

"Happy Holidays!!! Just making bait...... with secret powers. (Big smile). A Self Empire you are and words are the most powerful drug used by mankind. Yes I see your Pictures from time to time.. Thank you (Bigger Smile). But, I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. But I have to engage, so I'll ask... Is there something on my profile you actually enjoy? Curious. You seem to have it all, "El complete paquete" on your profile...smile. Thank you for reading... reply is you so choose."

Good examples

Examples of my own responses:

You can find out a lot about someone by reading between the lines of their email message. Put feelers out there in your initial reply in the form of open ended questions or topics. When you throw out topics you get responses that you can investigate further. Here are some of my own replies sent back to initial e-mails.

"Well I'm ever so glad you found my quirky war & peace effort of a profile enjoyable. (Pssst can you keep a secret; well I've heard on the grapevine that it's been currently nominated for an literary award. Oh gosh I wonder which one it will be… Pulitzers prize, national book award, The Pen/Faulkner Award or even possibly the Coretta Scott King Award…. (He says cockily while throwing a satisfying punch in the air)"

"Oh my ‘intro'....well I understand the burden of making the dreaded "first move" seems to fall on us guys, ultimately it's the woman who chooses the man, right? And surely you must by now be getting so fed-up with the veracity of whimsical cyber-flirts being delivered from the psychologically deranged who will lie profusely by bellowing their most delicate inexpressibly intimate feelings for you (as well as unquenchable subservient adoration) just to dominate male pecking order. Uh no toxic-shame! Anyway pleased to make your acquaintance, salutations, my name is... "

"Now under normal circumstances a picture-less profile to me is like a red flag on a red stick, waved by a chorus of red-painted people all freakishly dancing around a red-hot fire while hypnotically chanting "Yo she's probably heinous, in a committed relationship or enjoys howling at a full moon, don't do it brother!!". But saying that I totally understand why certain ladies will keep their own moonlit enigma secret by simply hiding their picture. So it always interests me when I'm approached by a picture-less profile. Care to share?"

"Hi how charming of you to add little ole' me to your favorite list. If you want to drop by for a chat at any time, then please feel free to do so...we may have course have nothing in common it's just cyber, but hey orgasmic as prose as the written word is concerned."

"Please accept my humblest apologies for the delay in replying, however my work-world these last few months can only be described as pure mayhem... but if you know me at all - then I'm truly in love with it all. The focus of all my work is either producing or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence, and honest purpose, as well as large amounts of perspiration Lol. But sadly within my corporate jungle competition is such a virtue, and every body's so busy competing, they have no real time for compassion - but I don't weep at this crazy world, I'm way too busy sharpening my oyster knife and chuckling at the madness we live in."

"Well how charming of you to embrace and acknowledge my purple prose passages (smile)... ah which for some unknown reason seems to continuously evolve and has not yet been quite written! Now even though it's just cyber, my philosophy has always been that the naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie. Nevertheless I shall offer these words as a spark to ignite the gunpowder of your imagination since my creative flair for lyrical whimsy will help you see that in reality there is no box to fit me in. Besides there's no better way to connect with others than to invite you into the PLAY-land of my psyche....care to PLAY?"

"I'm forever carving my totem pole of life and yes I have been described by some as somewhat 'intellectually-deep' and have a surprisingly wonderful but yet masterful way with the English literature to captivate a person on each typed word; cryptic and meaningful to those who wish to read in between the lines. But one word of warning, do not seek the answers which cannot be given to you right now since the most powerful warriors to any patience are acceptance, faith and of course not forgetting our good friend... time. Sometimes Buffy we must surely accept things as they are and just look realistically at the world around us. Have faith in the direction you have chosen and wherever direction that journey takes you then just remember to always keep smiling"

"Oh what type of lady am I seeking? Great question Donna-D. Well I'm certainly not looking for a limpet lady with dependency issues, all soft, helplessly-timid and super manipulative like a basket of Siamese kittens in a creamery. But sadly this game of cyber dating can make fools of us all, from the first misguided glance to the last acrimonious injection, where the dating battleground can be filled with deception and infidelity. I'm sorry that you are being targeted by the psychologically deranged, sick, long-eyed-sex-lechers and pathetically eager bottom-feeders with faces like lumpy chopped liver and the conversational skills of a carpet tile, ...but they're just the twisted and choked archetypal evil dark monsters of the cyber-world. I can assure D-D that we are not all like that :)"

The examples above were written by me in my unique style. They are just for reference to show you the general principles and what works well for me. It's very important that whilst implementing the general principles you add your own unique personality through your writing. I can't stress this enough: you must portray your own unique personality through your messages. This will ensure that when you eventually meet up with woman that there are no nasty surprises. What she reads is what she will get. It also ensures that your writing will read consistently.

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Why IM?

With Instant Messaging (IM) you can reach others quickly. You can also make connections in a flash with text messaging via cell phone, and by chatting with people in chat rooms. In each case, you achieve a sense of immediacy that you don't get with email. But on the other hand, it isn't quite as "in your face" as a phone conversation or an in-person meeting. Each of these methods can be used when you are first making contact with dating prospects. You will discover that you can get a date incredibly fast when you use IM to do the asking. IM is so popular now that it is frequently combined with audio and video on some sites. For some, the waiting is always the hardest part. Emails put you through the agony of sitting around and wondering. You have to wait to get a response to a first message - if you get a response at all.

IM removes the suspense. You look around to see if someone is online; you send that person an instant message: the response pops up and you are instantly engaged in a conversation.

The back and forth comments occur nearly in real time. The slight delay is an important advantage; it gives you time to think of something to say or edit yourself before you blurt out something awkward. At the same time, you can overcome the shyness that might grip you when you want to meet someone in person.

Do your research

IM is immediate, but that doesn't mean your initial communications have to be off the cusp. If you don't give any thought to what you're going to say, you're almost guaranteed to get no response. Unfortunately, IM's very nature tempts users to start out with comments like these:

"Hey! How ya doin'? I was just cruising around the site and thought I'd say hi"

Women receive IM messages, winks, and emails from an endless assortment of interested males. Simply indicating that you're a rough and ready kind of guy isn't going to engage her attention at all, at least not in a positive way. Take the time to read each profile closely and think about something specific that interests you - a shared experience or perspective, ideally, or at least a quality you admire. If you both lived in New York for a time or if you are both involved in politics, you've got some naturally insightful topics to mention although, in the case of politics, you have to be careful not to get controversial too quickly. Expand on a part of the profile that is unique to the individual, and ask a question such as:

"Hello, I found your profile interesting, particularly the part about creating an English garden. As it happens, I'm in the process of clearing a patch of my back yard to plant some flowers. Can I ask for some advice about what would have the best chance of thriving and look really nice?" Such an approach is almost guaranteed to get a response in the affirmative. Of course, it helps if you really are interested in plants and flowers, because you're going to have to contribute some information about your own gardening activities, and possibly asked for your own opinions as well.

Another approach: Ask a question like this:

"Hi! I noticed your ad and was intrigued by a couple of things. Can I ask a quick question?"

An open ended, non-threatening, not to mention nonspecific approach like this will probably get a positive response too; once you are invited to talk, that is.

Other examples to consider for openers are:

A work or career-related comment: "I noticed that you're a programmer. I've consulted with some programmers in my own work as a writer, and I admire what they do"

A technical question:

"Your photo is terrific; it looks like it has been softened to give an otherworldly quality. How did you do that?"

Have a conversation, but not a long one

Once you strike up an instant messaging session with someone, don't get carried away. IM talks are best when the comments are brief. It's not the venue to launch into a diatribe about every last detail about your career, your life since your divorce, or anything in depth for that matter. Imagine that you're having a conversation with someone on a long airplane trip. You don't want to go on and on for hours without giving the other person a chance to respond. Maybe they will suddenly remember to take that a nap. Or maybe you'll become lifelong friends.

You will have a better chance of continuing to correspond if you keep comments short, light and breezy so that you don't become an annoyance to the other person. Informality is the rule when it comes to IM.

Blocking

If you aren't familiar with the rules for online dating, you will probably not block yourself, which is a feature that allows you to be non-IM accessible, when you first register with an online dating provider. Instead, you will remain visible and available to anyone who wants to IM you and draw you into a conversation. You could end up potentially wasting one or two hours chatting with someone who may just be bored or lonely.

Therefore to eliminate this invasion of privacy just simply press block when you are online. If you don't turn your messenger off you may find yourself overwhelmed by several conversations: requests at the same time that pop-up on your screen like spam in your inbox. Many people have a habit of surfing who's online now" because they're bored, desperate or just curious. This can be especially annoying when you are already in a conversation with someone and have two other conversation requests pop up at the same time from people who liked your photo and haven't even read your profile. Trying to have an instant conversation with someone you know nothing about can be very uncomfortable, frustrating and a bore.

If you cannot block it yourself, simply cancel or delete the IM you receive. When you delete the IM, they will have to use the more formal, regular email to contact you, which takes more time and thought.

Chat rooms

The other kind of real-time communication method you can use is online-chatting and these have been around at least as long as the Internet. Like other real time systems, chat gives participants immediate results. If you're more comfortable with chatting, by all means use this facility. Remember online dating is about choosing the venue and method of communication with which you are comfortable.

A chat room is a virtual location that allows individuals who are connect to The Internet to type messages to one another and hold conversations. But I tend to look at them more like virtual bars where men and women are sitting around on bar stools or mingling and making jokes with drinks in their hands. However, the only difference is no one knows what anyone else looks like, so it's like going on a big blind date to a certain degree. For me, chat rooms are a waste of time. I've heard stories from my clients who tell me that they've encountered their soul mate via the chat room; however, it's about as productive and efficient as trawling a net across the bottom of the ocean. You may find a lot of fish, but if you're looking for a particular one, you never know if you'll happen to drop your net in the right spot.

I suppose Chat rooms were the original dating sites and were originally set up to provide a forum for communities of like-minded people to connect and discuss or debate specific topics. Chat rooms can be very useful to connect with people with common interests or in your area of expertise, study, work or hobby. They are also used to help members of clubs and associations to connect, ask questions and share information with each other. Beware! Some chat rooms can become very territorial.

While it is possible to meet some quality people, many public chat rooms are a haven for predators. It's where they find easy prey without introduction or accountability. There are countless stories of women and children seduced and lured for less than honorable intentions.

Since chat rooms are the most anonymous way to connect, people can lie, deceive, change their names, change their stories and be anyone they want to be while they manipulate conversations. Some people do it just for kicks; others have more sinister motives.

The majority of people use chat rooms not because they are seriously seeking love, but because they are bored or looking to avoid loneliness or just want to chat with someone to pass the time.

Many chat rooms are a favorite hangout of:

You may find chat rooms specific to age groups and sexual orientation, rooms for gays, lesbians, seniors and single parents. But you should beware not to fall victim to pranksters, con artists and sexual thrill seekers.

You don't need chat rooms to online date. Avoid wasting time and energy trying to get to know people there. You'll start at ground zero with little or no information and have to ask too many questions about basics like height, weight, location, marital status, etc. You can never be sure whom you'll meet, their real age, motivations or even their gender. The risk of disappointment and danger is too great.

Chat rooms can be like trying to have an intimate conversation with someone in a dark room, blindfolded while anyone can eavesdrop. All the messages people send appear on the same screen, like a noisy party full of conversation. There can be anywhere from two to hundreds of people chatting at any given time, identified only by their catchy username.

Public chat rooms in which anyone and everyone congregate to visit about a particular topic aren't generically a good place to look for a date. Such chat rooms are usually focused, however loosely, around a particular topic, and people are looking to blow off steam about a particular topic or simply to chat; they are there for the specific purpose of hooking up.

Chat rooms provided by the dating sites are viable venues for discussions that can certainly lead to phone conversations and possible dates. The really interesting chat rooms, in my opinion, are the private ones: chat rooms in which only two people can meet and type messages to one another that no one else can see. Just a few things to remember though about chat rooms, some people can become quite aggressive if you don't answer immediately their succession of rapid-fire of quick questions:

"How old are you?" "What do you do?"

"How's the dating scene going?"

This then usually follows by a series of aggressive messages:

"Where are you?"

"You're busy chatting with someone else, aren't you?"

This can be a massive turn-off. Going into a chat room should be relaxing, a time to have some fun conversation, meet new people. It's not a place where you should feel as if you are being interrogated, tread with caution.

One on one chat rooms

Some dating sites offer a one-on-one chat room that you invite a date to enter for a private conversation. This is a form of no frills instant messenger. I tend to use these one-on-one chat rooms only after profiles have been reviewed or there has been an exchange of at least three emails each. You should be relatively satisfied that there is common ground and attraction.

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If you want to be successful at online dating, give instant messaging a try. Most dating services provide a messaging system for connecting with other members. Many IM systems give you the option of communicating not only by typing but also by audio and video, provided you have a microphone and/or webcam connected to your computer.

Give some thought to your instant message, text message, or chat comments by researching someone before you first approach them. Keep instant message, text message, or chat conversations brief and nonthreatening; don't lose sight of the eventual goal of asking someone for a face-to-face meeting. Public chat rooms that aren't part of online dating services don't generally provide a good venue for finding a date. However, private chat rooms on dating service sites can help you make connections that lead to dates.

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This section will help you:

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Okay, so you have set up your profile, understand how to make first contact, and know when and how to reply. One of the first things you'll notice when you use an dating site is that there are lots of women you want to contact. There's nothing wrong with admitting it's a numbers game; one in which you contact everyone who looks interesting with the hope that a few people will get back to you. As we have already touched on you will quickly find that not everyone you contact will respond and that e-mails work better than any winks or icebreakers.

Below are the typical steps that most people use to initiate contact:

Whether you start with a wink or an e-mail, if you get any sort of reply, you will need to e-mail her to get the party started. That means one thing: You will need to write a lot of e-mails.

With a long list of women you're interested in, you'll need to have a few tools to help you with the process or else you're going to spend a lot of time writing custom e-mails for each person. Since it's a bit of a numbers game, once you start writing to a lot of ladies, you will be sending out a lot of e-mails and will quickly face the following challenges:

Therefore the purpose of this chapter is to help you create and manage your messages and e-mails when you're in touch with a lot of women.

Writing Templates

Even though each lady you send an e-mail to is unique and her profile has specific interests you will want to mention, the basic "hello" message you send for the first e-mail will be pretty much the same for most. It's a letter that says "Hey, I'm interested in getting to know you!"

To avoid having to retype your messages for every dating prospect you can make up templates for a variety of situations. The templates will contain the same basic component themes for that stage of the making contact process.

The advantages of having template letters include:

Examples of template letter themes are:

How to make a template

STEP 1: Create New Document

Using Microsoft Word, go to the File menu and select New to create a new document. You'll be creating a basic document that you can use as is or customize at a later time.

STEP 2: Write the Text

Next, write your template text. It can be any basic letter that you plan to use for a large number of e-mails in the future. Be sure to check your spelling and grammar, and also make sure that you've written the e-mail in a manner that can work for anyone who gets it, making sure it's not too specific.

STEP 3: Create the Template File

After writing your basic template letter, you create the actual Template document by going to the File menu, and choosing Save As. At the bottom of the Save As dialog box is a drop-down menu from which you can choose a file type. Be sure to save the document you created as a DOT, or document template document. This document will be stored in the Templates folder that Word uses for templates.

Select a name for your Template document and save it as a .DOT, or document template file. You can repeat this process for a number of template letters, being sure to label each in a way that will help you choose the right letter when you're in the midst of e-mailing prospective dates. Once you have a number of template documents created, you can start working with them.

WARNING: Never save details specifics to one person on the master template, such as their name. It would be easy to send that template text out to another person - a letter to Fiona, addressed to Kelly would be sure to blow your chances from the off!

Working with Template Letters

Once you've created a series of online dating templates, you're ready to start sending some e-mails. When you find a woman you're interested in, you can open a template letter and use it as-is, or you can tweak it a bit.

By using templates, you'll have a nice library of letters to work from, and you can change or modify letters without changing the templates. You could simply use the ‘Save' and ‘Save As' features time and time again with a basic document; but as you move forward, in the next chapters, you'll create customized and even mail merge letters.

Writing Templates That Work

Now that you know how to create a template letter, it's good to create a few basic templates that work well for most situations. The following are examples of some letter types that any self-respecting online dater should have in a template folder!

A good introduction letter should do the following:

You can have templates for a range of situations, for example:

E-mail customization

If you plan on sending e-mail to a lot of women over time, you'll need to create a way to write all of those e-mails without having to write each one from scratch. When you think about it, most of the time you'll be saying the same things to each person but with a bit about them added. The previous section showed you how to practically create template letters, and with that knowledge you can learn how to customize each one for outstanding results.

There are lots of little techniques and tips I'll share that will make it easy to get the message right - and not send the wrong message to the right lady. The goal is to create a letter from a template document that looks and feels like you wrote it just for the person you're interested in. Remember, you did write it for that special someone; you just may have more than one special someone you're interested in.

Making changes

By customizing, you can add detailed information that you gathered from a prospective date's profile or picture. With the right customization, you can make your template letters look like original documents without all of the rewriting.

To start, think about what information you can gather from almost any online profile that would work well in a letter suggesting to the person that you've read their profile and like it. The following list shows key fields that are present in most online dating profiles.

In addition to the list of fields above, you'll also be able to read the profile heading and text to gather lots of information that may be a bit harder to classify for each letter, but which can still be used as part of your customized letter items to look for in profile text include:

Profile text can include anything and everything about a person, and it often provides your best clue as to what will reach them. A good idea is to have a little scratch pad handy to jot down a few notes while reading their profile or you can certainly use your Computer, Notepad or a blank Word document for the same purpose.

Look for things that are special about the person and that have value to you, and take simple notes about them. For example, if she loves to cuddle up by a warm fire and you don't, and then jot down that she loves fireplaces. Simple notes work best - remember these are early stages of the relationship, and you don't want to try too hard or go too deeply into her interests until you have had a chance to hear back from her and start a conversation.

Once you master the creation of template documents and learn how to do on the fly customization, you should begin to rethink how you structure your template documents.

Be careful not to save the master template with details specific to any of the people you are going to send the template to. The master template should never contain personal details such as names, personal locations or preferences. For example, imagine sending a mail stating "how are the cats", when you are sending a mail to someone who said they dislikes cats in their profile! Always double check the template before using it.

Keeping in mind that you don't want to be doing a whole lot of cutting and pasting work on a first letter, you should write a template letter that contains hooks that would be present in most online profiles. If you're comfortable with the process, you can simply make the templates more complex and have them contain more hooks. That's up to you and depends on how much work you want to do with each letter.

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Template letters are documents you create to use as is or to create new letters from. This approach has many benefits, including saving a lot of time in not re-writing, and savings in effort not having to re-think what to write. Since they can't be permanently changed unless you do this intentionally, you can play with them over and over without accidentally changing the original. By writing short, simple e-mails that express an interest with a call to action, you'll be able to quickly and easily send a lot of emails to a variety of prospective dates. Just make sure you don't abuse this power by spamming everyone on a dating site.

After mastering the creation of template documents, you can begin to add hooks to your template, which will allow you to customize each letter you send in a simple and efficient manner. The hooks can be few or many and allow you to control the amount of time and effort you put into each letter you send from a template document. The template examples shown in this section are simplistic and just to illustrate the principles involved. Make sure to make your templates unique, tailor them to your style of writing, and to the type of ladies you are targeting.

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Make a log

We've all heard that famous adage ‘Variety is the spice of life.' Well that being said, during your online dating journey it's vitally important to develop some way to keep track of your contacts...and believe me when I say that you will want to begin this as soon as possible. I've been in this game long enough to know that the moment you enter this big wide world of online dating, it's like being a kid again in a candy store. Ah I can almost hear you saying,

"Hmmm I want a woman who's 5'10" wearing a white halter top exposing curvaceous flesh and a black silk mini skirt pleated to give that all American cheerleader look. Legs to her neck accentuated with sheer black hose with the line running up the back. Waist the size of a baby's fist and weighing just less than one hundred pounds soaking wet: a pure goddess with an artificially tanned body that screams sexuality & desire with a butt so big that you could use it as a beer shelf and silky smooth hair that smells like sunshine and meadow flowers. She'll have lusciously thick hot red pouting lips with teeth so white that when she smiles it goes DING. A buxom beauty indeed, with impressive boobs so enormous and round they remind me of prize winning cantaloupes cosmetically augmented by an exclusive Beverly Hills Surgeon"

Come on guys get real with so many possibilities you could in fact end up emailing everyone and anyone. So as you scan this online globe you need to really ask yourself how much time you have to dedicate yourself to this cause. Now even though many sites automatically keep track of your favorites, matches, who viewed you, whom you e-mailed, and who e-mailed you back. Some link the profiles with these. However, some delete these after a specified time period. This service can be very helpful, but you need to log into the service to get this information, which is usually in various areas of the website which may require you to go to send e-mails, and received emails for everyone while the profile is located in another area. You also need to be in front of a computer.

One system that is more viable is to print the profile of someone you wish to contact and add each e-mail to it, keeping these in a file by his or her screen name. You can jot notes down and highlight areas of special interest, and note inconsistencies and other red flags that you will need to pay close attention to.

Yes I know that this may strike you as pedantic and overdone, however, if you have ever looked at houses, apartments, or even cars, you quickly realize how difficult it can be to keep each one straight. The same thing happens with your contacts. Furthermore you even decide to become a member of various online dating sites and consequently obtain more than one user name. Of course those of you who may be technologically advanced may figure out some other equally effective way such as creating separate folders for each website you are on and saving each contact's files that contain their profile and correspondence.

An example of why keeping good records is important: I called one of the women I was dating, and said, "Hi Diane." Her response was, "This is Deborah." Thank goodness they both started with D, but it was fast tap dancing for me on that one. So simply put, the advantage of keeping some sort of diary is not to embarrass yourself by thinking it's your first conversation on the phone when you actually had coffee with her only last week. Another good reason for keeping a journal of what you did online, where you went and who you met is so that you don't repeat the same mistake. Therefore it's all about being organized, recognizing your patterns of behavior and correcting them so you improve your overall experience in the future.

You might include a standard set of journal topics for each day:

The value of maintain such a record is in how often you review the information and use it to improve your dating success. Every few weeks, look over your data for trends. For instance, if you find that you're the one asking the ladies out all the time and your dates just aren't working out, maybe you're forcing the issue. You might want to lay back and wait until someone asks you out for a change.

One of my favorite ways of keeping track of all my dates is by updating any relevant information onto a spreadsheet program, such as Excel. To get you started I've included an example of one of my journal entries which you can find at the end of this chapter. Or alternatively you can use a word processing program like Word.

Each program allows you to enter text and search for it quickly. A word processing program can be used to list the day e-mails were sent, which emails you sent to which profile name, and a copy of the e-mail. The document may be long, but it will serve the purpose. Regardless of which program you decide to use, be sure to create fields or text columns for the following items:

It is even possible to copy and paste entire profiles, complete with photo, from the online dating site directly into your spreadsheet, database or word processing program. Even though it may seem like a lot of hard work, trust me when I say, it will be worth it in the end when you look back at the memories of each experience. I certainly have no regrets.

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Conclusion

So now you're well on your way to being the dating machine that you really want to be. I hope you've taken the tips from this installment to heart and are realizing all of the benefits that come along with my series. Good luck and I'll see you next week!