Dates Advantage

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Introduction

Welcome back for the forth and final volume of The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating! By now you should be well versed in the ways of meeting and talking to women online. This last part will teach you how to move from the cyber world into the real world. As always, take the information I give you to heart and the world will be your oyster.

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How to Deal With Rejection

This section will:

There is nothing quite so disheartening as scanning a million profiles, setting your sights on a beautiful woman, agonizing over your message to her, sending it with hope, and then receiving no response, or a thanks, but no thanks.

Fear of rejection is such a powerful human emotion that it guides and often misguides our actions. Although we are rarely aware of it, nearly every action we take is subconsciously influenced by our inner fear of losing face, as the Japanese would say. And although this control mechanism is healthy, the problem is that our fear of rejection often overwhelms us and prevents us from making sound decisions and taking reasonable risk.

In online dating, people tend to draw on fears they discovered from their first, and worst, teenage dating experiences. I know from other people's experience that the threat of rejection assumes great importance when it gets tied up with their self-image. In some cases, taking rejection personally would really crush their spirits and keeps them from trying any kind of activity.

The good news is that you don't have to let rejection crush you. If you are turned down, it is most likely because that person is not attracted to the part of yourself that you portrayed in your profile or through your instant messages. And since we know this represents only a part of you, there is no need to take any of it personally. Like I always say, just move on and get back in the game. What I'd like to teach you in this chapter is how to toss your fears out the window, and to gain some important tips for dealing with rejection, so that you can have a great online dating experience.

Rejection is not personal

The reasons why guys are rejected are not as obvious as you may think. Following are some of the most common reasons:

"Your photo doesn't ‘move' me"

While guys tend to take this reason more personally than women, believe me, it is NOT an indictment on your looks. Beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder. What is beauty to some, may not be beautiful to others. And thank goodness for that, or we'd all be trying to date the same person. It's a well-known fact that men are more visual creatures than women. They may have a specific look that works for them, whether it's the girl next door, a tomboy, or something else. Just make sure that your photo says who you are.

"Your profile has a deal breaker in it"

Some women can't live with or without certain things, such as anyone under 6-feet (190 cm) tall or has tattoos. The fact that you get rejected because of one of these deal breakers is a good thing, not a bad one. That's why you list those attributes in your essay in the first place. Some easy deal breakers include:

For example, if you're a wine connoisseur and you don't plan to stop, but you write to a person who's a teetotaler, the person may blow you off by not responding for that reason alone. You may never know exactly why, but if you do...great, if it's something you can control, and want to change, it may be an opportunity to improve your profile. If it's out of your control, never mind, it's her loss, don't give her another thought, move on.

If you find that virtually every woman is rejecting you, you may have some zinger in your profile. In my own experience a common zinger is a profile that reads like a rule book. Remember: Too many rules equal not many dates.

Here are some other reasons:

Unfortunately there are a fair number of women online who are just looking for a cyber-friend, and on my travels I've come across many charming and engaging ladies who just like to write and have no intentions in meeting anyone in the real world. They just love the entertainment of the vast number of men available to contact. Some are married or lying about something that prevents them from being a serious date. And others are looking for a one-night stand.

Beautiful women get so much mail that they simply can't cope with the flood. A few sites I've come across actually display publicly how many perusals or hits she has got. In my experience these popular people have a bigger problem than you think, having to sift through mounds of mail – poor things. Keep looking guys and simply move on.

For whatever reason, the woman you've contacted has decided that you're out of her league and may give you a pass based on insecurities or past experiences. You may never know the truth.

There is a definite way to ensure that you are never rejected in online dating - don't sign-up. Everyone should understand that, at some point, no matter how hot or fabulous you think you are, someone will reject you. Plan on it, count on it, and be prepared to deal with it.

Even if you never send a single e-mail to anyone, you will eventually experience rejection. These are emails that you receive from someone and respond to and then the person suddenly loses interest and disappears. You may feverishly exchanging hot e-mails with a woman for quite some time, and suddenly she disappears for no reason. You won't know her name or phone number, and you'll be blocked from sending her any further email messages. This certainly happens more often than not on the Internet than in real life. It hurts, but doesn't really matter. The fact is that it is impossible to escape rejection in online dating, so plan for the best and prepare for the worst.

When she stops communicating

You know how bad silence feels when it happens to you. You wonder if your computer is broken or if something is wrong with your phone line or email service. It's natural to want to know what happened and wonder what you did wrong or if it was something you said or did. You may need to clarify whether or not someone is actually dumping you. A single inquiry that is non-confrontational may be in order, such as:

"It's been awhile since we spoke, and I am wondering about your silence. Is something else going on with your life? Have you decided that you don't want to communicate with me anymore? If it's the latter, it's okay. I just want to be certain."

It's tempting to insert an apology here, something along the lines of "If it was anything I said or did...", but please resist the urge to do this. It isn't necessarily anything you did so don't be so quick to wipe up the spilled milk. The sad fact is that, if she persists in non-communication, you may never know for sure. There's no point in begging or groveling. Wait until you get an explanation before you decide how to respond. After you receive a response you may decide that you aren't interested in the relationship after all. There are a number of reasons why she may stop communicating, and they may have nothing to do with you. An ex may have returned; they may be having difficulties with their immediate family or their job or their health. Don't immediately assume that you are the problem. If it turns out that there is a reasonable explanation, you don't want to do anything on your end that would stop the relationship from progressing.

She turns you down

How should you react if you send a cyber flirt or an email message and she tells you that she's not interested? Maybe you are good at handling rejection. Perhaps you have learned not to take things personally. You can ignore the message, shrug your shoulders, and try someone else. But before you shrug it off and move on, it may be wise to try to identify any clues that might explain why you did not get a thumbs up. Turn rejection into a learning experience. Instead of wasting time on pity patrol, perhaps it might be a good idea to review your profile.

Touch up your photo

The problem may not be with you but with the way you present yourself. And the most important part of your online presence, when it comes to grabbing attention and attracting interest, is, yes you got it; your photo. All the good essay responses in the world won't matter if a woman looks at your photo and chuckles to herself madly about your bad photo or if they just see a blank silhouette because you were unable to post a picture of yourself. You may want to consider taking a new photo. If your original photo was indoors, try one outside in natural light. Wait for the "golden hour" just before sunset when everything looks soft and attractive in the fading light. Or take the photo on a bright but cloudy day when the light is even and there are fewer shadows.

Review your profile

If you are being rejected consistently, read over your profile and make sure it doesn't contain too many restrictive clauses. Restrictive clauses are statements of what you do or do not want or characteristics and qualities that you are looking for in a person. If, for instance, your profile contains a series of statements that specify that you are only looking for someone:

You can be reasonably sure you're going to get plenty of rejections. By the same token, if the answers to the multiple choice questions in your profile are overly restrictive, you may want to consider loosening them up.

Change is always a gamble, but the trick is to not put more on the table than you can safely afford to lose. That's hard to remember when it comes to dating because you have to suspend a little disbelief to fall in love. But take your time and be conscious of how much of yourself you are sharing. Don't pour out too much of an emotional investment, if someone that you can't stand to lose ultimately turns you down.

Move on

So, what is the cure for the rejection blues? Recognize that the fastest way out of the gloomy feeling is to get back in the game. Get back online and that rejection will start to fade away quickly. You may even decide to switch to a different geographic area if the one you have been searching has dried up. Many sites have overlapping communities, so you can switch geographic areas without taking the risk of a long- distance relationship.

Put the rejection in perspective

Most rejection occurs in the early stages of email exchanges - one or two exchanges and then silence. Sometimes it ends with a simple "Bye." Instant messaging exchanges can even be more abrupt.

The situation should not cause you any pain or sleepless nights. Just remember how little time and emotion you have invested in the contact:

A relationship isn't a relationship if even one party isn't interested. Thank your lucky stars if your prospect lets you know early on that it wasn't a match, even if you didn't see it coming. Another thing to keep in mind is that Internet communications occur in a vacuum. You really don't know much about the prospect's life other than what the person has chosen to reveal. An apparent rejection may be due to some unrelated life event or crisis that you're not privy to.

You may have done absolutely nothing wrong except communicate with someone at the wrong time. Now for comparison, consider the price of in-person dating rejection:

That is the beauty of online dating: no love lost.

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Just as in traditional face-to -face dating, Internet dating should be handled with etiquette appropriate to the situation. If you are rejecting someone then do it with respect to the woman's feelings. Depending on the situation, your tone and level of assertiveness will vary - some will get subtle hints right away, for others, only a blunt straight to the point approach will have any effect. However always remember to keep your own integrity, try not to get dragged into a slanging match, or dish out abuse, you are on your way to being a super cool alpha male dude who is phased by nothing. Stay above all that pettiness, move on.

From the comfort of our home behind the remote protection of our PC, it is easy to forget that on the other end are real people, with real feelings. If your intent is to hurt someone, consider whether that is the most effective way to bring about the result you desire, a way that is in alignment with your heart, not your ego.

Be prepared to encounter all types

As you gain more experience you will have to deal with the following situations:

During my 12 years of experience of online dating, when I discovered the woman I was contacting wasn't an ideal match, I always told her with kindness. I realized very quickly there was no need to go into details or point out faults that may end in hurt feelings. If you know right away that this person is not a match, you can simply tell her. It doesn't cost anything to be kind and respectful and leave someone feeling good about their contact with you. Once you get used to my own personal formula it becomes quick and easy to read someone's profile and compose a personal note. A few times I received very poetic notes from women who didn't find me their type, and I felt flattered they took the time. Other times, when I was the one ending the liaison with a kind note, ladies would send a second note saying,

"That was the nicest Dear Jane letter I ever received"

So in general, give a rejection firmly. Polite is good, but if it doesn't work, try sterner and firmer. Anger never works.

Many appropriate ways are available to encourage someone to move along. Each one requires its own special finesse. This section points out the major ways to do so in specific situations.

Let them down easy in four simple steps:

But before you click Send, ask yourself:

When you are faced with ending a correspondence or a relationship, or telling someone that you aren't interested in meeting them, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Hundreds of ladies I have been in contact with over the years say:

Deluded women

Sometimes you will come across women who just don't seem to get the message that it's over. For whatever reason, they have developed an obsession. This may have started from your photos and profile, and from the point you actually made contact or replied to them, they were in love! As communications continued, so did their fantasies: meals in expensive restaurants, engagements, wedding rings, children, and you haven't even met yet. Hopefully when this happens you are still anonymous using your online ID. Unfortunately it is difficult to spot these individuals as they are often perceived as just being enthusiastic. However, there is one telltale sign: Their delusions assume you are an item well before it is appropriate.

Avoid the argument

Don't waste your time getting sucked into justifying why you want to break off contact, having to explain yourself, about why you did this, why you did that. If you have already made up your mind and given clear reasons, that's enough. The little digs aimed at you are just an effort to get you reacting, wound up, and ultimately maintaining contact. Ignore arguments and use your time more constructively, move on.

When diplomacy fails

If you have tried being subtle, polite, diplomatic, and assertive, but its fallen on deaf ears, it may be time to become a bit colder and blunter. For example something like:

"I've explained that I want no further contact with you. If you still persist I will report you to the web site as a stalker. They will monitor all your communications, and possibly suspend you. It's your choice."

Then make no contact, no replies and ignore everything from her.

And remember

Good examples

To inform and amuse you, the following are some examples of how to break off contact with someone when you know it's not going to work out:

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This section will:

Women are known as the communicating gender. Unlike men, women tend to be more comfortable with expressing themselves, particularly when it comes to expressing emotion. Where communication is often a good form of therapy for women, men tend to be much more comfortable relaxing on the golf course or visiting a local pool hall for a few beers and a few rounds of pool.

The reality is that you must be comfortable with communication if you are going to succeed in online dating. It is important to think about the online phone game differently from when you typically meet a woman in-person say in a bar or club. One of the major purposes and challenges of being on the phone with a woman is to arrange for the two of you to actually meet in person. The nature of your interaction is different on the phone. You can't see body language. We will help you navigate your way through one of the most fear-fraught areas of online dating.

As stated above, your primary aim with the Phone Game is still to get her to meet up for a date. Your secondary aim is to use time on the phone with her to build comfort. Of course, you'd build far more comfort in person than on the phone over an equivalent time period; however, until you can see her again in person, the telephone is your best tool to move the relationship forward.

Women and flaking

Did you think you were the only man to notice her? She likes all of the attention and all the cyber flirts, but she doesn't have time to go on 9 dates this week. Bear this in mind and listen very closely: meeting up with strange men is scary for most women. Physical safety is always a concern. Think of women in bars or parties. They do not generally go by themselves to interact socially with strangers. So they bring a friend. She probably knows that she can't bring a friend on a date with you. So that makes her even less likely to want to come. Thus, a woman may look for reasons not to go out with you.

To a man, the idea that you might not have a great time with this woman is irrelevant; maybe you will, maybe you won't. Either way, you'll never know if you don't meet up, and the worst thing that can happen is you'll cut it short early and go home. Men don't agonize and worry over whether it will be socially awkward or not. But many women do, and we need to take this into account.

Women also tend to be more analytical than men about social situations. She may wonder why you'd even call her when you've only possibly sent her just a number of emails after all, you spent that time attracting her as opposed to learning about her).

Are you desperate or are you a player?

It should be clear by now that a quick interaction leading to some basic attraction and "we should hang out sometime" is rarely going to lead an exceptionally desirable woman into seeing you. She fears loss of safety, she fears social awkwardness, and who are you anyway?

Making the first call

Wading through waves of e-mail sent in by literally hundreds of my readers during the past 12 years, I've slowly come to think that maybe it's the dating portion of the seduction game that gives guys most trouble. I hear the same sad story of how they can meet women just fine on the net, but after one or two email conversation they're unable to obtain their phone number. The worst part is that none of these women seem interested in instructing these guys as to why they got the boot. This leaves them positioned to make the exact same mistake, whatever it was, all over again.

This amounts to double the frustration for a lot of guys, as it cancels out the otherwise great success they have actually meeting women. It's like a football team that marches up and down the field, but keeps turning the ball over on the opponent's 5 yard line and never actually scoring any points. If a woman is refusing to give them their number it simply means she wants to break away from you but doesn't know how. Or I should say, she doesn't have the courage and honor to be straight up with you.

Then she'd have to actually explain her feelings to you and that's a problem because she either doesn't understand why she didn't like you (lack of chemistry probably) or, more likely, doesn't give enough a damn to even bother. Look the bottom-line is this; once women emotionally disconnect from you then it's basically game over. You're just a bag of old garbage to them that needs to be kicked to the curb.

A number of women view men as sentimentally challenged anyway and so they justify their callous actions as probably having caused no harm anyway since, well, there's nothing inside that empty skull to harm. In the early days, when I was struggling with this whole issue of hooking up with women; dating itself never presented that big of a problem. It was meeting them was the problem. I'll do my best to try to pull everything I've learned over the years into a valuable experience for you in this section, in a way that you can adopt to your own situation. Your basic personality will dictate just how comfortable you may be with some of this stuff and therefore how much of it you'll be able to use. When it comes to self-help guidance, what else is new?

I'm something of a nutty, humorous type of guy when you wind me up and turn me loose, though you might never have imagined so if you'd seen me standing around frozen in fear as a young man in the bars and clubs afraid to talk with any of the girls. But once I've got the pretense of the date finally established and ding-dong, finally show up at her door, I'm usually okay. In that spirit, here are some of the things I've learned along the way that might assist you in your own dating efforts.

What's going on in her head?

The behavior of women can often seem maddening to men, but the guys' actions can also play a factor and be equally as maddening to women. . What we need is to take a careful look at the dynamics involved with each partner. For instance, much of the tendency women have to act capriciously derives from the way in which the man comes into possession of her phone number in the first place. Some guys take a scattered approach to meeting women that involves getting numbers anywhere and everywhere that they can. No qualifiers, no real sense of connection. Just give me your number and I'll go away for now.

There are two motivating ideas here, fear control and dumb luck. Guys attempt to bulldoze their fear of rejection by developing a frenzied pattern of action which they train themselves to repeat almost robotically whenever they come into range of any cute girl.

Essentially in their initial email they say little more than, "Hi, I think you look really awesome, could I get your number and take you out next week?"

No attempt at any sort of connection, no hooks, no modifying of their approach based upon the girl's character or mood or the situation. Just give me the number! They do this because they know that if they stray too far away from this direct, hammerhead approach they might get caught up in an actual conversation that threatens to reveal just how shallow and socially awkward they really are.

What they plan on doing with this contact information is not something I believe they let themselves dwell on too much – they're just happy to get The Number. They won and they've scored! Collecting numbers for guys like this represents action. They're doing something, taking steps to change their life.

There's also this idea of "playing the numbers" where if you can just manage to make yourself visible to a large enough number of women some of them will eventually pan out for you. There is some truth to this approach of course - meeting a woman online that you can really click with involves patience, stamina and some luck. But there's a right and a wrong way to go about this without killing yourself emotionally and financially.

You might have to go through 5, 10 or maybe at most 20 girls to really find a gem that you hit it off with, whereas using a "non-connecting" type of hit-and-run approach could put that number somewhere up in the 100's! Plus, you need to have an occasional success in order to stay motivated. We all have different tolerance levels for pain, but none of us can face too much rejection before we finally throw in the towel and figure that a soul mate just isn't in the cards for us. That's why I've developed a system that will produce some encouraging moments along the way to keep you on the playing field.

Here's what happens between getting a girl's number and that first phone call: they think.

They have fears – they wonder if they did the right thing, wonder if they haven't lost their mind by giving out their number to a guy they just met on the internet. They have regrets. All of this stuff builds up like a brick wall growing out of the ground. So here's the deal, and it's a "good-news / bad news" sort of thing. The good news is that you overcame your fear, made a connection, and got a number and possibly a commitment to get together with some hot chick in the near future. Now the bad news: Due to this steady rot of regret going on in her head since then, you haven't accomplished a goddamn thing yet.

So during this first phone call you must convince her all over again that she's fortunate to have a great guy like you taking an interest in her. You must re-sell yourself. Anything else doesn't get it done. You must project good strength and confidence in both your voice and the flow of your conversation.

For an example of how not to do it, here's how an unplanned, unstructured, unguided conversation might go:

"Hello?" cute girl says.

"Hi, how's it goin'?"

"Who is this?"

"It's me, Mike?"

"Mike?"

"Yeah you know, from the dating site. My screename is Super-player-guy101"

"Oh yeah, right."

"So... how's it goin'?"

"Not bad. How's yourself?"

"Okay"

"Cool."

"Yeah, so like I was wondering' if you wanted to do something."

"Like what?"

"I dunno. What would you like to do?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I was thinking' we could go over to the Park and hang out by the waterfall. It's pretty cool. And there's a place right over there where we can get tacos or a hamburger."

That was pointless and ill-prepared, right? It gets her thinking:

"Was I nuts to give this joker my phone number? How am I going to get rid of him?"

Once that thought crosses her mind, you're pretty much floating belly up. You need to begin the re-sales job right out of the gate and never let up. That's the best way to keep the odds in your favor.

I'm not a big fan of using texting to make this critical first follow up contact incidentally, although I realize these technologies have hopelessly swept up the world and there's no stopping them now. Call me old-fashioned but I think it's just far too difficult to get the proper sort of connecting-emotion to project through text-chat. Direct speech, voice-to-voice is the way to go.

Whether using the phone or messaging, be careful not to get into a big "self-reveal", as you'll end up shooting yourself in the foot by letting her in on something too personal that you didn't want her to know about yet. Some women will try and bait you along with a smoke screen of chatter to see if you'll slip up and expose something negative about yourself - that you're short tempered, jealous, already married, yada-yada. This is something to use as an excuse to get rid of you right away without having to go through the drudgery of a formal date.

So try to talk about only the best stuff about yourself and your exciting life. Remember, it's a re-sales job that you're still doing at this point, even in text-chat.

You only want to tell the prospective customer all the good stuff about what he's about to buy, right? You want to hide the fact there's been collision work on the rear left fender, know what I mean? This is not disingenuous unless you're a maniac serial killer trolling for a victim; you're just presenting an attractive side of yourself. This is perfectly normal and we all want a prospective mate to see us in the best light possible. Women drop tons of cash on hair, make-up and clothes to accomplish the same thing that a man can do with his words. Seduction is a mirage, so don't forget: a dream for both of you to get lost within.

Here are the three big concepts to keep in mind when making this critical first phone call:

Now let's expand on these ideas.

Re-selling yourself

When it comes to this first real conversation, keep in minds that you need to be the one who takes command of the conversation right from the very start, because if you let her do it there's no telling where she will lead you. So understand your responsibility to be the guide. This doesn't mean you must blab away like a fool, only that you maintain a firm idea of what points you want to get across.

Make sure you have all the details of what you would like to do with her worked out in advance and written down when you call. However, if she suggests something different or seems enthusiastic about doing a certain thing then by all means dump your plan and go with hers - you can count on the date going better and her being in a sweeter mood if the date centers around something she wants to do. Stay flexible and embrace her input and ideas, and speak with a smile while you're talking. This imparts brightness to your voice that is very subliminal in nature. She will quickly sync up with your mood, and if you can get her spirits elevated she's likely to consider you in a better light; more funny, more interesting and exciting.

For one thing, most women hate making plans for more than a day or two in the future. This applies particularly to younger women, many of whom won't want to commit themselves in advance to specific plans. What if something more exciting comes up? What if she doesn't feel like it when that day rolls around? How is she supposed to remember what she's supposed to be doing in a few days anyway? If you run into this problem, it provides a convincing clue that the date is more important to you than it is to her. If her favorite band was playing, she'd remember.

Whatever you do, don't act like one of these anal retentive types that gets everything worked out in advance and then gets fed up and starts pouting when she makes a counter suggestion of something she would rather do instead. Brother, relax. Keep this thing in perspective: she's not your girlfriend that you can order around! You want to make the customer happy. "But I bought these tickets for the hockey game Friday night, and I thought you would like to go with me. I dropped almost a $100 bucks for them." You whine. Bad move.

Don't go crazy and buy tickets or making expensive arrangements for any pre-scheduled event assuming that you have the date in the bag. This is dumb and expensive and you're only setting yourself up for disappointment. She is under no obligation to say yes to anything, and a transparent manipulation like this will only hack her off. And then you'll both be hacked off and you haven't even been out on a goddamn date yet! Hey, this phone call is going swimmingly, isn't it? No. The way to play this is to lay back and welcome her input. This is all part of the vibe you want to project for yourself after all, you are powerful and in control of things and you know what you want, but are gentlemanly enough to defer to her wishes: the powerful man exhibiting graciousness to the damsel.

"I bought these tickets for the hockey game Friday night, and I thought you would like to go with me."

"I don't really like hockey. Could we something else?"

"Sure, what do you have in mind?"

"There's this little place over on Catalina Street called the Blue Lagoon that's supposed to have awesome seafood."

"Say no more, sounds good. We could go there on Saturday. I can just go to the game Friday with my brother Tom."

See that? Nothing bothers you. It's all good!

Get her laughing

Women look for a sense of humor which they then mark as a level of intelligence and a quick-witted mind. Humor is more than that though, it's a gauge people use to determine the general likability of someone.

Neurotic guys never seem to smile or laugh do they? Nothing's funny to them except when someone trips and smashes open their skull. Some stupid ass hurt himself? I concur with women in this sense, I can always spot a crackpot by the 24/7 scowl on his face. Thinking up new places to find new victims to chloroform is serious business. No time for clowning around.

As part of the job of re-selling yourself on the phone, you need to remind her of the fun-loving personality you bring to the table, so mix in a few jokes here and there during the course of the conversation. But please, no formal jokes that start out like "So this Pollack, a gorilla and a priest go into a bar." you know what I'm saying.

Humor is a delicate thing that you've got to hit just right on several fronts: slant, content, and timing are especially important. Girls are tickled by a clever wit more than anything else. Everything about the use of humor needs to be understated and as subtle as possible. There should be no bad attempts to manufacture a laugh when one isn't there because lame stabs always come across as the work of a guy who's trying way too hard.

It's the oddball observation, the casually understated delivery... and especially the patience to wait for the perfect moment to spring a gag that gets the job done. These are the elements behind humor that works to paint a charming and uplifting picture of yourself.

You never want to seem like a guy who's trying to be funny, but rather that you're a naturally funny guy. The more effortless your humor comes across, the more genuine and believable it will appear. Guys who are naturally funny never feel the need to pour it on thick either, which only demonstrates lack of confidence. If you're confident in your ability to project humor at all the right moments, you'll have no need to be "on" all the time. It's tough to coach humor in written text but I hope I've given you a sense of what your target should be.

If you get her voicemail, either she didn't get to her phone in time, or she saw your number and didn't feel like talking to you at that moment. You did program your name into her phone, right?

Well, leave her a message! Make it a call-to-action message. By the way, if you phone, and it goes directly to voicemail (and doesn't ring at all), hang up. You got a free pass. If it doesn't ring, it won't show up as a missed call on her phone, she won't see that you called. If it does ring, leave a message.

Depending on what part of the world you live in, if you don't like your message as you are recording it, try hitting the * or the # key. Often that will give you the opportunity to erase and re-record the message. Don't count on this though, and don't do what I did once which was end a message by saying "Oh, this sounds really stupid, I'm going to do it again" before hitting the key. It was the wrong key and the message saved automatically. She never called back. Live and learn.

Strike while the iron is hot

Now that you've re-established yourself as an interesting and fun guy, you're in a much safer position to ask for the date. I like to wait until I sense that I've brought all the good feelings and laughter to a peak, and that's the moment to act. You should have at least two things ready and written down in front of you on a notepad so you don't forget any important details like times, directions, etc.

Have a primary thing you'd like to do, and a backup if she doesn't go for the first idea. Of course, you stand ready to receive any counter offers that she makes, right? As we'll discuss in a minute, you should try to steer her towards an "action" date if possible for that first date, but sometimes you have to take what you can get if she's really enthusiastic about doing something else. Go with her plans instead and stay flexible. You can always back burner the action date for next time, at this point the idea is just to keep her happy. Once you get a ‘yes' to a date and have all the various details figured out and written down, make a little bit more flirty chat with her and then get the hell off the phone. Do not hang around acting all giddy and stupid now that you've got a date like a 14 year old schoolboy! You're a socially experienced guy remember: scoring dates is no big deal for a guy like you. So act like it. Be polite, be cool and then be gone.

Aim for 12-25 minute conversations and make sure you get off the phone first. You can demonstrate value in doing so by having another call you need to take, or your Aim for 12-25 minute conversations and make sure you get off the phone first. You can demonstrate value in doing so by having another call you need to take, or your friend just showed up to take you to some high-status event, or something similar. friend just showed up to take you to some high-status event, or something similar.

If you want to refresh her attraction to you, you can demonstrate that you are a challenge; by for example telling her you'll call her back in an hour and not doing so. If she is busy, at work or being distracted, just say "I'll call you back when you're not distracted." If she tries to get you to stay on the phone, then stay, unless the distraction is really annoying.

I know I'm probably flying in the face of a rising new technological tide by even suggesting this, but I'm recommending that you resist the urge to fill in the time between this first call and the actual date by IM'ing, e-mailing or texting her with cutesy little messages during the interim. I think this continuing gibberish steps all over your male mystery and even makes you seem like a bit of a borderline kiss-ass if you're not careful. Look I don't care if it's the cool new thing to do; it's not cool in this particular situation - especially when you're just beginning to work a seduction. Every time she sees some little pop-up message from you she knows that you're sitting around with nothing better to do than dream about her. This is not the behavior of the high status alpha-male, is it?

Think about it: if you're supposedly a busy guy with an active business and social life then you should have little time for amateurish schoolboy delights? All the excited daydreaming and fretful anticipation is her job -not yours.

It's okay to respond to messages that she initiates of course, but don't be the first one to reach out like this. I think it makes you look like a puppy dog whining at her front door and I've had several women tell me this in my early days and, ouch it hurt! Maybe I'm off the deep end with this topic, I don't know. Use your own discretion depending on the circumstances.

Just don't moan to me after sending 5 or 6 of your cute little Blackberry messages, she then texts back and suddenly doesn't feel well and can't make the date tonight. After all your hard work to build an image, you don't want to risk flushing it away with an easy to avoid mistake like this.

Flaking

Flaking means canceling plans at the last minute, or not showing up. Guess what? This will happen sometimes, especially on first dates. It's in the nature of things. Here's what to do when a woman flakes: Nothing. And that's it.

Listen don't be upset. Don't lecture her. She doesn't care. If she cared about what you thought of her, she probably wouldn't have flaked in the first place. Don't believe me? Ask yourself if "feeling tired" would have kept her from a date with Brad Pitt. All that punishing her will do is to associate yourself in her mind with bad emotions, and momentarily make her feel badly. But don't worry; she'll feel better when the next guy gives her attention.

In general, the more solid your initial email interaction, the less work you will likely have to do on the phone to get her to meet up. Regardless, try not to mention meeting up during the first emails. Just be part of each other's lives and build comfort. With enough intuition and practice, you'll be able to judge when she is ready to meet up for a date. As long as you are doing good work building comfort this way, there is no rush. Usually, in fact, a woman will start dropping hints that she wants to meet, especially if you talk about the fun activities and friends that you experience in your day-to-day life.

If you do suggest plans, don't do so within the first email. You definitely do not want her to say no to potential plans. In case you were wondering, her being busy is a "no". Even if she is genuinely busy, the fact that she is saying no to you affects her perception of your relationship. It also costs you emotional momentum.

If you keep pursuing her when she is saying no, you can turn yourself into an orbiter. To counteract this, you want to frame your suggested plans in such a way as to minimize the impact of rejection.

For example, if you emailing a woman to say "Hey all, big party at the House of Blues tonight, use my name at the door," you lose very little by a rejection. It's a text message that's framed to look like a group text message, which is technically not an invite to a date. You actually get a bit of value from this whether she shows up or not because it shows you are leading an interesting life and having fun with or without her.

Even suggested formal dates should not be open-ended. Let's say it's Sunday and you want to see this woman sometime this week. You don't call her and say, "I'd like to see you. Are you free tomorrow? No?

How about Tuesday? Ok, Wednesday then? Well, what are you doing Thursday? Friday? Ok, I'll call you next week and see what your schedule looks like then." By doing this, you communicate that you have nothing going on in your life, or at least nothing that is more important than a date with her.

Women are looking to share their lives with a man. Why would a woman want to share her life with ‘Spontaneity Is Your Friend' if you call a woman at 5 p.m. on a weekday, talk for a couple of minutes, and "spontaneously" ask what she's doing, then this can be seen two ways. It can be seen as an invitation to make plans or just idle conversation. If what she's doing is driving to her cousin's house to baby-sit, then you tell her what you're doing tonight. Try to make it something you probably couldn't invite her to anyway; no plans suggested = no plans rejected.

If she instead answers, "Not much", then you can suggest something. She's less likely to flake if the plans are for the same day.

If you do get rejected for more formal plans or she flakes at the last minute you should generally not suggest plans again until after a few more calls. But don't let the conversation end on this note. Quickly change the subject to a high-impact funny or exciting story which you should have cued up beforehand and continue the conversation for at least another few minutes.

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How soon should you meet?

I'm not alone I feel sure that in this fool's paradise you realize that real chemistry between cyber-suitors only happens in person, not online with endless adrenaline soaked email foreplay. I know that from my experience that ladies don't mind waiting around a while for the train as long as you they see the headlights coming. However it seems to me that some men simply fire off emails at such a helter skelter breathlessly tearing rate that they end up as Zen masters in the art of self-induced email ecstasy.

Getting to know your online potential cyber suitors via the medium of emails and profile ad is only half the battle. The path to an actual face to face encounter still requires a degree of patience and planning. Of course when you hit it off with that special someone, there's that immediate rush of overwhelming excitement. But be warned, in my many years of online dating, a lady who sounds great in writing in the virtual-world might be a total let down in the real-world.

It's a big decision when you finally decide to meet someone and there are many factors to consider beforehand. Obviously the first burning question which requires answering is: How soon should you hatch together a game plan for the close encounter of the female kind?

The timescale for this depends entirely on you and I've certainly given you enough techniques, tips, pointers and tricks to help you along your way, but in reality this is one question which only you only can answer and generally it's: When you are both ready and comfortable with meeting up.

Unless distance or time is an issue then ideally you should arrange to meet within a week. It really depends on your and her circumstances, and if all the signals green. Only you can decide. It's a fine balancing act between gathering enough information about the person and not leaving it too long. Trust your instincts and if it feels right then go ahead and arrange a date. Some women won't have the patience to hang around for more than a few weeks.

Remember that you are here to make real relationships, not virtual ones; work towards meeting women, as this is your ultimate goal. Don't be sucked into the virtual dating world to the point where meeting up seems like a chore or a special occasion. If you want to succeed, you will have to meet up with a lot of women and accept those dates, even the bad ones, as an essential part of the process. Be ready and willing to chase any lead that looks like it could turn into something. Follow your heart and any whims or hunches you may get: it's often the least likely ones that will surprise you.

Choose a time-scale and pace to match your own lifestyle. For single social urbanites, I recommend moving a bit quicker, at least to begin with, so that you can learn how profiles relate to the people who have written them. As you learn, you will become more discerning and filter out unsuitable ladies without having to see them in person. For single dads or anyone else who may have reasons to be wary of letting random strange women into your life too quickly, I recommend a slower course of action. Send more messages, ask more questions and speak on the phone more before going on dates. You can gradually become more social, as you build up a level of confidence and trust. In all cases, you must never force yourself or be pressured into meeting someone until you feel ready. If you are unsure about whether or not you want to meet someone in person, wait. There may be a very good reason why you're not convinced. Never humor someone at the expense of your personal safety and peace of mind, even if it means letting that person go.

If you've been dating online for a while and have never felt ready to meet up with anyone, it may mean you are generally distrustful of online dating. Otherwise, fear is there for a reason and you should follow your instincts. It's better to give up on online dating altogether than force yourself into a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Should I stop communicating with other users on the site once I've arranged to go on a date with someone?

Absolutely not! Although women often struggle with this issue more than men, some men also believe they should show a bit of loyalty once they have made a connection. Keeping your options open and seeing a few ladies at the same time is something you should do as long as everyone is honest with each other. Until you have gone on a date and seen whether you click with someone, there is no reason to change any of your habits. Even after the first date, it would probably be too soon to tell whether you are a perfect match. Until you know for sure, there's nothing that says you should stop searching.

Exchange more photos

If a face to face meeting is imminent it's best to ask your potential date to send you some more photos, and you can send her some of your fresh ones. Why do this? As we discussed in earlier sections we all use our best photos for the profile but they aren't always up to date, so the more photos you get the better idea you will have what the person really looks like. Thus the risk of being unpleasantly surprised when you meet face-to-face is reduced. You may want to consider sending your updated photos first, and include some body shots with clothes on. Something like: "Here are some more recent photos of me which I thought may interest you, your photos are great and I‘d love to see some more!"

If she doesn't seem keen on that, it could be that her photos are not a true reflection - out of date, or not accurate, or she doesn't have any recent photos which is unlikely but possible. This should sound alarm bells but not necessarily a reason to strike her off the date list.

Set out your deal breaker

If something is a major deal breaker and you haven't been able to obtain conclusive information about it from her profile or by exchanging e-mails then best to find out upfront and ask your potential date about it before going any further. You can ask in a roundabout way to extract the information you need.

For example:

Or just be direct;

If something is a big no, no for you (allergy to cats, dislike tattoos, couldn't date a smoker), best find out now rather than waste time pursuing a relationship which wouldn't work out.

Do some prep work

After weeks of emailing, online chats, and phone calls, you have set up a date then great! A good first date strategy is to arrange somewhere interesting but that can be ended easily if you haven't any chemistry, or extended if things are going well. In other words keep it short and sweet, for example a coffee bar. It's a good idea to go somewhere where other things are going on to keep it light and not all about you two.

Before going on the date read through her profile again and pick out information about her specific interests. Think of some questions beforehand. This will jog your memory and you can keep the conversation flowing by asking questions relevant to her interests.

A major step in getting someone to like you is to show an interest in them and their interests. Conversely if you talk continuously about yourself it's a sure way of turning them off. However be wary of firing a list of prepared questions at her: it's a date not a formal job interview. Relax and let things flow naturally.

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Good ate, bad dates

So you have successfully set up your profile and made contact with prospective dates. Now its time to arrange the first date, but where do you take her?

By this stage you should know what you want out of a relationship, and your ultimate aim for the first date is to move further toward turning those goals into reality. Below are ten general rules that will help you on that path. Of course you can introduce elements that are specific to your own aims and suitable for the personality of the person you are meeting up with.

Plan for success

Don't ask a woman what she wants to do for the first few dates, you must take the lead, it's more attractive to her. Be organized and have a preferred plan plus a backup (Plan B) just in case events force you to change things at the last minute. As well as the venue, think about the timing, the clothes you will wear, and how you will get there and back especially if alcohol is involved.

Be different

Be unique and plan something she may not have experienced with other daters. As taught within many areas of Online Dating Mastery, to really impress her you need to stand out from the crowd. Think of taking her somewhere different from the usual places such as the movies - an interesting and unusual venue, and ideally places where she has never been before.

External stimulation

Going to a stimulating environment takes the pressure off you having to constantly think up good conversation. An advantage of going to a place with entertainment or external stimulation is that it can in itself be the topic of lots of conversations. A dead boring venue means that you will have to come up with the exciting chatter, and if you don't it could feel like a job interview. For example, a new shopping center, off the wall modern art gallery, a live band, a car show, paintballing.

Equal interaction

Choose a date suitable for both of you...a shared experience which you will both enjoy. I mentioned external stimulation in Rule 3, but be careful not to go overboard with it. Three hours in a heavy metal concert won't work if she's into ballet, and it's going to be difficult to sell your best qualities whilst shouting over the sound of double drumming.

A great date idea is one which you will both enjoy and allows you to interact equally. That's how you will find out more about her which will enable you later to push all the right buttons.

General excitement

An ideal date should arouse a range of emotions. Happiness, laughter, fear, elation, concern, relief are some emotions which could be experienced on a first date. Plan to go somewhere which sparks positive emotions as it will be more likely to be remembered by her as an exciting time.

On your territory

Select a date which you are familiar with and can demonstrate knowledge. That will give you the upper hand dominant position. Your goal is to subtly demonstrate that you have a higher status than her. There are a few ways of doing this for example; going to a venue where you know other people who will give you lots of attention. You don't have to stay there for the whole date, just long enough for her to think you are socially adept and well connected.

Multiple venues

Go to a few different venues that cover a selection of activities. That's guaranteed to provide excitement and will make her feel like she has known you for a lot longer than the first date. Plus doing lots of different things in short bursts will give you an insight for what type of things she really enjoys.

Logistics

Plan it where you want it to end up. If your target is to get her to go back to your place then plan your route to end up close to your home, or a hotel if sex is on the cards. Don't be too pushy on a first date, of course, so have a contingency plan to drop her off at her house if things don't look like escalating.

Night or day

Choose the time of day depending on what your target outcome is. If you want to keep it light and casual stick to the daytime. If you are targeting romance and sex then a night time date would be better. These are generalizations of course and peoples preferences vary but here are some views to consider:

Your state of mind

See her at a time when you'll be at your best. When will you be at your best? After your 12 hour night shift, or the same day as a family funeral; I don't think so. Choose a time when you will be feeling fresh and in a good mood, with plenty of energy for that playful conversation.

Good examples

Here are some example date ideas, but keep in mind that not all of these will be appropriate for all women:

How to date

Don't treat the date like a big deal or behave differently as it will lower your value compared to the woman you are with. The key here is to enjoy the date. The focus should not all be on her, plan activities that stimulate interest, generate conversation and allow you to be your best self.

Don't feel you have to be attached to her hip every second of the date. If it's a sightseeing date get some space and explore a bit by yourself and encourage her to do the same. If you bump into people you know, which inevitably happens when and where you least expect it, introduce her.

Kissing and sexual escalation

When the time is right, escalate to a kiss. Delaying this will send out signals that you are rejecting her. If and when all the signals are right then kiss her, and if you have already kissed her then kiss her again as soon as practical. This will set out your stall early in the date and establish in her mind that the relationship is escalating, and maybe sex is on the cards if that's what you are after.

Don't leave it all until the end of the date with the goodbye kiss or you will go home thinking "I was only just getting started and the candy's been taken away." The early kiss also removes any initial embarrassment and makes kissing later no big deal.

Paying for dates

Always a big topic of debate and a question I have been asked many times is: who should pay?

Back decades ago men were expected to pay as they were usually the main breadwinner. These days women's and men's salaries are much closer and who can afford to pay doesn't factor so much in the decision.

If you ask her out then it's reasonable to offer to pay for the date expenses, and if she asks you out, vice versa, but if she pays you should still offer to pay for your share, or buy her something before the date ends. For example if she pays for dinner, you pay for drinks, ice cream, entrance fees, transport, etc. Just don't take all and look like you're only there to extract every last coin from her purse.

Conversely if you have paid for the bulk of the date and she offers don't refuse every effort she makes to buy you something, otherwise this will cause an awkward moment which is something you must avoid. As a general rule if she asks once reply "no it's ok, I've got this". If she is insistent a 2nd time then just accept her offer to pay graciously but try to keep the lead and use it to your advantage. For example something like "ok thanks but I will get this, you can buy the next one", or "thanks you can pay next week". This would put in her mind that you are prepared to keep the date going, or would like to see her again (assuming of course that's the case). Women can feel awkward at the silliest things, and this is one of them. However don't be upset either if she doesn't offer to pay for anything...some women will never pay for anything. It doesn't mean she is just a gold digger or has the tightest purse in town, it just may be down to her current circumstances which you may not be aware of yet. Anyway for the easy going, cool, go with the flow alpha male, it's not going to be a problem. Just prepare for every possibility.

If you are struggling financially and don't want to spend out big time on someone you may never see again, then don't. There are plenty of suitable places you can go for free and have just as good a time...it just needs some thought and planning beforehand.

Anyway for first dates if you stick to the two golden rules above you won't go far wrong. If and when the relationship develops further then who pays for what will be less of an issue.

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What's next?

Wow, guys we've certainly come a long way together, haven't we? By now you should be pretty comfortable with the whole experience of Internet dating. From the initial self-assessment at the beginning of the process to finding the right dating site, to setting up your profile and knowing how to use email and the vast variety of search functions which will enable you to take the final plunge. I've given you all the tools, tips techniques and advice you need to make the internet dating experience a raging success in order to be the ultimate online alpha male.

However, it doesn't matter how fantastic you might be, and how affable you can be because once somebody gets to know you, the simple truth is your dating success depends heavily upon her first impression of who you are and what you are about. It's extremely important to remember that having a negative attitude, image, and the way you act will affect your success in the real world, just as it would negatively affect your online dating success, as we discussed in earlier sections. The first impression you make on a first date is critical in determining whether she wants to bother for a second date. You have to sell yourself, and like a shop window, to attract the best customers you need to put the most attractive products on display, which are the aspects of your personality that are attractive to women.

So in this Final Chapter I would like to cover that fundamental burning question which you're wondering: What's the next stage?

Congratulations on getting this far, all your hard work has got your foot in the door. However, regardless of how favorable an initial impression you make, you have to follow up to maintain her interest and get her wanting more of you. The greatest errors I've seen from guys over the years basically fall into three simple categories:

To make certain you don't follow these mistakes I will explain how you can adopt a structured approach and conduct of behavior that will guide you and help manipulate her into a sexual relationship. Your time and efforts from now will be centered on building the intense feelings and emotional state that a woman deeply desires from a man.

Escalation

After building up rapport through the pre-stages of dating when you get to the stage of closing the deal there is one crucial theme you must implement: escalation. It's an essential part of the seduction process and failing to do this adequately will ultimately lead to failure.

This escalation of intimacy doesn't need to be anything super special but when she sees you again she needs to feel that the intimate bond between you has just gone up a notch. However if you don't radiate those warm feelings strongly enough and timely, you risk losing the chance with this date again; you have to be assertive here.

Guys often make the big mistake of thinking that the lady somehow guesses that they are shy, and that they just need a little while to collect their courage. This is not so, and before you know it they just assume that you are just not attracted to them! Broadly speaking, women don't realize the anxieties of men, simply because they believe we are all Neanderthals blundering through life and think only through our penis.

Women have little sense of what makes men tick beyond pure sexual interest, and when they sense you're cooling off on them their brains tell them that you have lost interest. For this reason it is important to escalate. It's a signal from you to her that she doesn't need to feel insecure and "He likes me, I must be attractive, I still look good." The initial stages of a seduction are delicate and you need to be alert to interpreting her signals and acting accordingly. A semi critical, throwaway remark about some minor facet of her anatomy, a cool peck above the slant of the cheek when she was hoping for a real kiss or possibly a kiss that did not linger long enough could be what you're looking for, so getting the balance right between being too forward or not escalating is critical here.

Don't expect to be perfect first time, this takes practice and you will need to get experience at reading the signals from body language and from what she says. As your date count increases your intuitive sense of how to escalate and when to escalate will develop and refine.

Time for a reality check

If you find that you are not getting the success you expected then here is a list of behaviors that repel women. Check through and ensure you are not doing any of these:

Critical steps to avoid the friend zone

There happens to be exclusive group of behaviors that a man initiates when dating a women that indicates to her his ultimate mating motives. Inability to embrace these "signal behaviors" (or doing the contrary) does not solicit any feeling of romantic enthusiasm in her. No warmth, no chemistry.

You will find five basic behaviors that are essential to appealing to her erotic sense, rather than just her intellectual mindset. These assist you from crumbling into the "friends" pitfall.

Don't allow her to turn you into her new girlfriend

There are specific subjects whom she might attempt to drag you into that you simply will need to quickly block and just decline to indulge with her in. That's due to the fact these topics would be best talked about with a non-intimate buddy as opposed to a prospective lover. No matter what you do, stay away to permit her to begin making girl talk with you like she would try using one of her friends.

Something which is against the rules for example is you paying attention to her slag off about her ex or more painful, existing guy. This isn't anything which you, as her possible new partner, wish to know anything about. Permit her to proceed to talk on the telephone all she would like about that bum to one of her female friends, and not to you. You aren't her new gay pal!

Also ensure that she knows she isn't able to confide in you anything that colors her within a poor light, things like disgusting personal habits, unsuccessful romantic relationships, boring health conditions and so on. These are generally issues that she would not speak about with anyone whom she was contemplating getting romantic with.

The very fact that you will not be a part of this bare effort to lure you to the buddy-boy sector constitutes a firm stance regarding the path that you want to take things. Additionally, it displays the type of self-respect that sets apart the dominating guy from his lower counterparts, something which her basic intuition will recognize instantly and record as a positive.

The Closing Judgment: when you get to the conclusion of the night and are unsure whether it appears appropriate to kiss her goodnight or slap her on the back, it's too late, you will then realize that whatever romantic pretense there was has clearly slid away. Better to just shake hands, say farewell and toss her number out on getting home.

Maintain the sexual tension

The principal dynamic among women and men of reproductive age is sexual tension. Mother Nature requires that it be so, but mankind often seem to be set on burying our needs by utilizing our greater intellectual capacities to disguise our genuine thoughts from the other person. Fear is the offender here obviously. The fear of getting judged inferior and after that rejected and the fear of breaking some social law that attempts to control the more awkward facets of man woman relationships, particularly in general public. Usually fear.

We should not forget however, that such basic urges and other needs of the flesh are created to point us in the direction of behaviors that ensure the survival of our species. Lessening them beneath our degree of consciousness in order that they do not trouble us results in merely placing the greater intellect in control and everyone knows how much of an over-judging, countless excuse making bastard he is. So these sensations have to be recognized rather than covered up. The secret should be to respect them in a manner that won't disgust or shock.

Bodily contact for example could be electric when the tensions have already been progressively accumulating amongst the pair of you, and it is a strong instrument for sexual provocation. A great idea is to get into the practice of having regular informal contact with a lady starting from the initial moments. Otherwise you might find that an uncomfortable mental hurdle has developed amongst both of you which will make it appear improper to touch her after a while, which will send things careening down right into a ditch without a doubt.

Intimacy cannot simply be fired up out of the blue at the conclusion of the night time within an anxious grasp for passion when it has not been steadily accumulating all along. If the table has not been established at that time it may be too late, so prepare for the great cheek peck dismissal.

Never be a problem solver

This is one which I personally discovered the difficult way, repeatedly. This territory is in fact simple to prevent since it really is about understanding what to avoid. This notion of becoming a cause of problems rather than a problem fixer highlights another of the differences that separates friends from lovers and male thinking from female. Generally, our friends are a source of comfort and aid to us, whereas the people we love are as likely to be a source of aggravation as they are of great joy and even ecstasy. The difference here is particularly marked in the ladies case, as the possibility to generate static or not is part of the fundamental criteria that she uses to select which category anyone fits.

Here is how it operates: problem solvers get put in to the girlfriend bracket which is an invaluable asset come moving time or whenever a pipe bursts, yet problem creators, well, they might piss her off, but hey, is this heating up now or what?

Therefore I am suggesting without exception to prevent the urge to become her "Superman in a boiler suit" by offering to help with whatever every day kind of dilemmas she may be having, from fixing her drainage to helping her clean the house.

Alternatively, you ought to consider forming just a little of what I term Courting Stress. Ever heard the saying that girls like the bad boys? Well it's true, have you ever noticed how some women are magnets to gangster types. Admittedly they are on the extreme and I am not saying you have to turn into a badass criminal but we can use some of the underlying themes of attraction in our own dating strategy.

So how do we do this practically? Don't bother returning a phone call once in a while; be late for a date, and so on. Just small things are all that's needed; you don't need to begin a major crisis. Things seldom run smoothly when women and men are first going through the process of navigating a relationship. You will always find some bumps on the way, some bruised emotions, misunderstandings or and so on.

This really is one of the insanities of a woman's mentality that many men just can't seem to figure out. We wish everything to work smoothly and cheerfully from "hey there, how are you babe" all the way to the bedroom, but women appear to flourish on relationship turbulence and senselessness. It must be some type of signal to them that significant emotions are whizzing through the air! Maybe it somehow fulfils their need to spar with a man before succumbing to him?

Be sexy without being sleazy

Many guys have an insight, correctly so, that in order to get a woman contemplating them in a sexually way they have to keep reminding her that "I'm a male and you're a female." The conclusion to all this courting and flirting around is to get her into bed as quickly as possible, right? In principle this is correct but lots of guys try and implement by bundling sleazy references with coarse, and sexually explicit language. This approach is a major no, no and turns women off pretty quickly and after that it's not easy to go back. Always remember that speaking very dirty or overly sexual at the initial phases is a very risky strategy unless she is a raving nymphomaniac and well up for it, or drunk and can't help herself. If she is, then the steamy chat may hit the jackpot, but if not then you may end up completely turning her off and coming over as a sad pervert desperate to get it on. A big factor is whether or not she has been pre-aroused yet. Has she started thinking about what might happen if and when the two of you get together sexually? If there's no pre-arousal going on yet then these types of sexy remarks will only have a negative effect. Tread carefully, test the water, and see how she reacts when you throw in some subtle comments. Try a few light hearted stories such as the time you went skinny dipping on holidays. If you get a shocked or disapproving look, tone it down, if she is interested and wants to know more it's a green light.

If you're able to keep these four concepts in your mind and implement them as required great, as a minimum you need to avoid becoming her gossip girlfriend who goes around at her every moan, whim, or request to fix her hair drier. Maintaining your alpha male tendencies will keep you in good shape for the rest of your dating journey.

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Final Conclusion

And so there you go. I have given you everything that you need to know in order to gain the interest of a woman and to interact with her in a way that bestows upon you the highest chance for romantic success. Look, online dating is not rocket science and I'm not trying to turn it into that, I just want you to have some rudimentary Plan: Do: Check: Action in your head instead of stumbling into these encounters on a wing and a prayer. This is how you remain ahead of the curve and give yourself the best chance to succeed since online dating seduction by its very definition suggests a pre-conceived series of actions.

Bear in mind what you have learned from this manual, but if I've taught you nothing else, I hope you've learnt that one of the most important things is to be honest with yourself and to learn what it takes to be a successful player in your own right. You know what you want and more importantly what you deserve, hold your head up high and enjoy the search!

Knowledge breeds confidence. The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating has provided the tools, techniques and a roadmap to finding the woman of your dreams; however as with anything worth doing in life, it takes practice and an open mind. However if you have methodically followed and understood the techniques taught them then you can proceed with confidence to implement them and give yourself the maximum chance of succeeding to win the woman you've always wanted.

Good luck!